seriously

this is the bathroom at a POG facility for one of my accounts in chicago. OMG.

crazy hat day

due to last minute scheduling changes, i watched sophia for a few hours yesterday. just sophia and aunt julie.

to be honest, we got a little bored. one can only watch so much tv ... talk politics and family trees so long ... and it was too hot to take a walk. so, we declared crazy hat day!

washcloths and burp cloths make fabulous hats!

we did try belts later, but there is no photo documentation. next time we're making scarves.

the carpool lane is not a toy

note to self. the carpool lane is not a toy. i repeat, the carpool lane is not a toy. so, even if some jackass is going 55 and burning oil in the fast lane, it is a $400 move to pass on the left.

but in all honesty, i totally drove in the carpool lane all weekend and nothing happened.

i am so due for a ticket.

brita gets 2nd chance

was informed by my husband tonight that i didn't install the brita filter correctly.
no wonder the "filtered" water tasted like ass.

giving said brita a 2nd chance.

movie

the happening was awesome. not as gruesome as i expected ... absolutely excellent. highly recommend.

shooshed at brownies!

kristine and i went to sid's brownie award ceremony today.
we were totally visiting with some of the other moms and got SHOOSHED by the leader and were given the official brownie three finger "shut your cakehole" signal. OMG. felt like i was in 4th grade again.

situation

omg. diner dash 4 was just released.

i'm screwed.

i loved diner dash 2 and diner dash 3 (diner dash 1 sucked) so much that i obsessively played them until i beat the game. have no idea how many hours i'll never get back from those endeavors.

and just when i thought it was safe ... the cycle has begun again. f.

lola's fort

lola was very busy last night. she built her own fort out of the guest room bed. that is what is left of the comforter. (same one she ripped a couple of months ago - we have no guests). what you can't see in the photo is the menagerie that she built around the front of her fort. doesn't like to be alone.

i heart her.

assistant, please

i needed our COO's help on a project today so i called him ... he didn't answer so i left a message.

his assistant called me back and said, "please hold for paul." I LOVE IT. i so need an assistant.

brita water tastes like ass

i tried to like brita water. but it really tastes like ass particles got added to the filter. it's horrible.

so, back to the water bottles ... until i can find a better solution. any ideas?

lips

i never had any feelings about my lips. didn't love them, didn't hate them. really never thought about them.

until i was 24 and an ex-friend told me that i have "pencil lips," then i was self-conscious about them and experienced lip envy on a fairly regular basis. wished they were fuller, more "heart-shaped," more remarkable.

until 5 days ago. my sister told me that sophia has my lips. i studied them this weekend and sure enough, we have the same lips. and they are beautiful.

i have never thought my lips so perfect until now. i couldn't be happier to share them with my niece.

sophia!

picture taken by daddy today as sophia and aunt julie watched law & order.

returning baby clothes

omg. kim and i returned / exchanged an entire truckload of baby stuff today. seriously. no exaggeration here. kohl's, target, nordstrom, penney's (didn't even know they're still in business) and macy's. the macy's woman was a little too grumpy to be working in the baby department. they should transfer her to girdles.

somehow having a girl makes one want to dress said girl in PINK. kim is a TROOPER. had a baby one week ago and today was shopping like a true scorsatto woman. sophia is all set now!

lola rocks

we have a "no salesmen" sign on our front door.
but people knock and ring the bell anyway. after my bad encounter with a magazine salesperson in '02, i'm over all of them.

so today it was a couple of religious peddlers. they were ready. bibles out, phony smiles in place. i'd seen them at the neighbors when i pulled up to the house.

but apparently they can't read.

they knocked. and rang the bell. lola played the best watchdog possible. she sounded like she was going to rip those peeps limb from limb.

i arrived at the front door just in time to see them running for their lives, clutching their bibles.

lola rocks.

sophia on the brain

it's consuming. all i think about is my new little niece and count the minutes until i see her again. (which is tomorrow). if i can barely hold on for 72 hours ... how will i last when we're in canada / alaska for two weeks. there is only one answer. webcam.

i guess someone told american airlines not to fuck with their known repeat passengers

AAdvantage Platinum® Members Are Exempt FromNew Checked Baggage Fees

Dear Julie,

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Also, as an AAdvantage Platinum member, you will continue to be among the first customers to be boarded. This should provide ample time to locate available space for your carry-on luggage, settle in and attend to business well before takeoff. Thanks for flying with us. It's always a pleasure to serve you.

Regards, Rob Friedman
President
AAdvantage Marketing Programs

sophia anne

it's sophia, not sofia

i'm a dork.
posting and emailing is not smart when you've been up for two days with one hour of sleep. yesterday i kept mis-spelling SOPHIA.

today, my mom and i both called her chloe. but not in front of her. probably had something to do with the mad 3-hour PINK shopping spree we went on and the fact that one of the stores is named chloe and hunter.

i really don't know how kim and james are holding up so well. they've had no sleep to speak of since wednesday night. they are incredible.

it's a girl!!

sophia anne
05.30.08
1:55 pm
8 pounds
12 ounces
21 inches long

she is healthy and fabulous. mama is doing fantastic. they are both strong women who worked very hard to bring sophia into the world today.

after a super tough week, i am overwhelmed with joy.

pictures forthcoming.

sympathy cards

the sympathy card.

i always send them ... to anyone i know who's experienced a death. it's just what you do, right? it's a way of acknowledging that you care, that you're thinking about the people who's lives are irrevocably changed forever. i've also sent plants and flowers - it's what you're supposed to do.

well, i don't want any part of it. being on the other side for the first time in a VERY long time, i don't want the cards, flowers, plants. they can't bring her back.

clear

2nd to sitting in the middle seat, i hate standing in the security line. inevitably, i get stuck behind a string of probable camry-drivers, who can't pay attention, and take forever to get it together so they can pass through security. these are the people that put massive amounts of liquids through the x-ray (even though it's been almost two years since the liquid ban) and refuse to take off their shoes, belts, ten gallon hats, etc.

so, for $128/year, and a government background, check i can now "fly clear." there are still just a handful of airports with the technology, but where it's available, i've bought my way to the front of the line. for $10.67/month (or two trips to starbucks), it's worth it.

green

we are finally making the change.
no more bottled water.
we're going to buy a purification system today and use cups. i'm really proud of us. we go through at least a case of water a week. that's a lot of plastic!

still nothing

we tried our best to walk the baby out yesterday with 7 hours of shopping (seriously, i don't know how kim hung in there for that long) but no luck. i left last night, sure s/he would make his/her appearance as soon as i left, but it's been 16 hours and baby sink is still happy on the inside. :-)

i do have to mention that i think baby sink is definitely going to be a dancer and party animal. when i played "da ya think i'm sexy" mixed by n'trance last night, baby sink started moving around A LOT. so much that we could see him/her moving through my sister's stomach. love it!

so we continue to wait. i'm going to the beach and try to concentrate on something else. :)

baby watch - 6 days to go

6 days to go.
no baby yet.
i'm going to drive to the IE tomorrow and check on mama sink myself. :-) she's bored ... who could blame her ... and i'm dying to see the finished nursery. plus i have like 5 toys for the baby and a ton of clothes ... i'm running out of room. :-)

i'm going to pack for a few days ... maybe that'll get the kid moving.

there will be blood is right

i'm still catching up on my oscar movies ... joe and i watched there will be blood over the weekend.

they're right ... there will be blood ... i wanted to claw my eyes out from sheer boredom. did it really have to be 158 minutes long? seriously? i could have put my amateur editing skills to use and cut about 75 minutes.

it had a great story and i'm sure is a really good movie, but for me it was like being locked in a museum for hours without my ipod, sunlight and snacks.

full moon - still no baby

despite having three children of her own, my grandma's prediction that baby sink would be born on a full moon night is about 7.5 hours away from being inaccurate. as my sister is not in labor, the chance of her having the baby within the next few hours is slim to none.

so we wait. i just hope the baby doesn't come tomorrow as i'm in texas and i would almost feel obligated to buy a small cow-person hat. obligated. i did buy a monkey in texas today. he came named ... marvin the monkey. i may change it, but am not sure. marvin, as he is called today, joins norman from san jose. i bought a stuffed animal lamb last week in san jose and promptly named him norman after the norman y. mineta airport. extra credit for anyone who can tell me who norman y. mineta is ... without using google.

8 long days until baby sink's estimated due date.

seis de mayo

i know i'm out of chronological order, but this is a picture of the mariachi band that flew home on the same flight as me on el seis de mayo. i was coming home from chicago. my friend tim advised that they must have played for oprah, but his information was incorrect. :-) i love the sombrero holders!

apple itunes can kiss my ass

i have only purchased 2 songs from itunes and got another free with a starbucks promotion.

the first song was lost when i changed computers.

the other two are in itunes purgatory. it is absurd that i LEGALLY bought the songs, but can't convert them to mp3s. protected my ass. i tried everything to convert them, but most solutions cost at least $19.99 for new software. f that.

so never again mr. steve jobs. never. i will download music from amazon.com where there is no bullshit.

how do you respond?

i love being asked, "did you have a good birthday?" seriously, how are you supposed to respond? i had a great birthday ... but what if it sucked? could i be honest? "thanks for asking, but it sucked ass." these are the things that keep me up at night.

pee smell

it's no secret that i loathe texas. but really, did i have to be assigned a pee-scented COROLLA?? (small camry). seriously, it smells like pee. especially after simmering in the texas sun all day.

i'm so not paying for this rental.

black cherry chutney surprise

yesterday, as i sat sweltering in my un-airconditioned hovel as temperatures soared past 95, i had a fight with a bottle of nail polish.

i keep most of my manicure supplies in a small plastic box with a lid. however, apparently i did not secure the lid after the last time i opened it. i know this because as i lifted it to carry it over to my desk, it slipped out of my hands. a brand-new bottle of OPI black cherry chutney BROKE OPEN on its way out of the box and spilled onto my semi-light berber carpet. the stains covered a 12" x 8" square. super awesome.

instead of panicking (seriously, worse case scenario is new carpet) i surfed to google and found how to get nail polish out of the carpet. the advice i found worked like a charm!

here's what i did.

sopped up the wet nail polish by blotting clean paper towels on the puddles
dumped water over the whole mess - apparently, keeping the stain wet is the key
added some rubbing alcohol and hair spray (i am still high, i think)
scrubbed my little heart out with a firm, small scrub brush (lucky i sell cleaning tools!)

it took about 30 minutes, but the carpet is perfect again. :-)

no bottle duty for auntie julie

i know it's disgusting, but i have to do a nasal rinse a couple of times a week to see if i can avoid surgery on my nose.

ideally, you want to use warm water because cold water is shocking to the system.

my allergist said that i can microwave the bottle/solution to make it warm.

but i must have forgotten how long she said to heat it because I BURNED THE INSIDE OF MY RIGHT NOSTRIL.

so, no bottle duty for me. i would hate myself if i burned baby sink's little baby tongue, lips, gums, etc. HATE myself.

31 days until baby sink's due date. can hardly wait.

out of control hello kitty

from mother goose & grimm last week. the images are way better than my cut out comics ... http://www.seattlepi.com/ had them all. :-)

countdown

less than 6 weeks until baby sink makes his / her debut. i absolutely can hardly wait!

life

how did i become tied to my outlook calendar? everyday is like a rainbow, each busier than the next. how did my parents work, volunteer, keep up the house AND rear us? i am so tired at the end of the day ... and i have no kids. seriously. how did they do it?

in addition to life, work, the shack and my usual committments, i have to have surgery. i've never had surgery before, so i'm a little nervous. it's not a big deal, just some work on my nose ... yes, i am having my deviated septum repaired ... isn't that hollywood code for "nose job?" well, the outside of my nose isn't going to change, they're just going to re-route a few things. super fun. another rainbow color in my already packed outlook calendar. :-(

explain this to me

i can't bring on more than a quart sized baggie of 3 oz sized containers on a plane.
i can't bring my tiny swiss army knife on a plane.
i can't take sharp pointed scissors on a plane.
all for my own safety, right?

then why are glass bottles allowed? won't broken glass cut like a knife?

i really wonder what guy in his ivory tower is making all of these rules. does he secretly work for glad or ziploc and needed to boost quart sized baggies?

consideration

i've been thinking of getting my MBA for two years now.

am i too old? i'll be 35 in a couple of weeks.

there's an executive MBA program at claremont grad school. they don't require the GRE, so bonus, but it's expensive.

i really don't think i have any shot of running a company without the degree ... so much to consider.

just wrong

i bought some newborn diapers yesterday for baby sink. they're needed for one of the presents for him/her.

i bought huggies.

who in the hell thought it was a good idea to put winnie the pooh on diapers? someone trying to be ironic? i think it's just gross. ew. poor baby sink will have poo[h] on the inside AND outside of his/her dipies. vile.

i feel like i need to go to confession

so my sister called last night and wanted to go to see rod stewart ... we did it once before ... before we were married and she wanted to relive the experience.

so i got the tickets.

VIP packages were available. So I figured, what the hell.

so i felt a little bad about spending that kind of money on one evening. called joe and he said, "did you spend more than $1,000?" made me feel alot better. but i did spend more than $500 and i feel like i should go to confession.

hell

the last two weeks have been utter hell.

i really should have kept the jobs i once had where i could bullshit my way through them. but no, had to go for the promotion. and now, two years later, i'm still working my ass off ... pretty much unable to bullshit my way through my job.

and then the travel. i was gone 23 days out of 35. seriously, that is a beatdown. i've been home for a little more than a week ... but am still inundated at work, am working on my sister's shower and now my step-grandpa's funeral.

i hate being a grown-up.

the included picture really sums it up. this was yesterday after i dropped a glass in our kitchen. just when i was getting ahead ...

orlando, florida

i've been in orlando since tuesday.
not my favorite place. okay, i really hate it.

orlando can be summed up by a sign on saw on a local walgreen's.

"coca-cola - $X.XX
florida t-shirts 3 for $10
wonder bread $X.XX"

white trash tourists. oh yea baby.

prize from kristine

kristine brought me a special prize from the girl's bathroom during her daughter's first piano recital. she presented it to me during the intermission.

so i am doing the only thing i can think of to thank her. i made my prize into a envelope and am putting it into the mail. i hope it makes it. i'm sure the post office employees will get a good laugh out of this piece of mail.

absolute chaos

there are too many projects going on in my life right now. OMG.

philosophy chocolate chip and spice cookie bubble bath

at my request, santa brought me a cookie themed box set of philosophy bubble bath for christmas.

i love philosophy products ... but this particular box has caused me some consternation.

one flavor is coconut macaroon. no issue here. it smells great and is white in color.

the other two, however, are a different story.

both of them make the water look like i pooped in the water. i just can't use them.

why oh why would someone make these yummy smelling bath treats looks like fecal matter? i am going to write to the company. it's disgusting.

hot. super hot.

got a new suit for the housewares show ... didn't get it at nordstrom ... so i'm in charge of my own alterations.

so, imagine if you will, me in the pants, with heels on, standing on the coffee table so joe could pin them. he is the best husband.

the look was completed by a brown, very old, tank top. so very hot.

why southwest airlines is still evil

say what you will about on time this, and happy flight crew that, but southwest airlines is still evil and i hope i never have to fly them again.

joe and i are headed to orlando ... to see his family and i have to business to conduct down there.

tickets were pricey - so pricey that joe opted to use my free southwest ticket.

because of their f-ed up boarding process ... joe got up at 6:40 am yesterday, exactly 24 hours before his flight and still only scored a A24 ticket. A17 for his connection.

here's where it gets bad.

because of WEATHER ... joe was rebooked this morning and his place in line lost. thank goodness we were so early, but he's still in the mid-B group (as they board by ALPHA and NUMERAL NOW). let's hope he gets an aisle.

way too much drama for me. i won't fly them for a flight longer than one hour. period. ever.

my flight is on time ... of course.

it's "nacho" audi!

sterling developed some engine trouble today. almost stalling, check engine light on, etc.

i was scared to drive her.

so, i called the audi hotline and asked them to pick her up and take her to the audi dealer. attached are pictures of her getting loaded up. it was kinda sad. but also funny. love that the towing company's name is "Nacho Towing." Super hot.

the dealer asked me to ride down with nacho so they could put me in a rental car. (omg. they didn't have anything but a crappy DODGE AVENGER and i'm kinda sad, but i digress.) nacho had to stop at the scales at the top of the grade too! it was so exciting!

sterling should be ready tomorrow ... they think it's a loose coil or something.

what an adventure!

country club / with white trash tendencies

as i walked into 7-11 this morning with my flip flops on to buy crossword puzzle lottery scratchers ... i thought "i guess you take take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl." wow. kinda sad.

velvet jesus

i've seen a velvet Elvis before, but never a velvet Jesus ... much less in pink!

this man is a little piggie

this guy was dipping at the o'hell airport.

i was horrified. when it was time to spit, he would lean over the trash can and let 'er rip. OMG. i know he was wearing a nascar jacket, but seriously dipping in the airport? is that even legal?

a gummy bear plunges to his untimely demise

last night, tim and i saw hairspray in thousand oaks, ca. not quite broadway, but it was better than nothing!

we had some gummy bears and were enjoying them immensely, when all of the sudden, one of the yellow bears leaped to his death! he flew from the 2nd row of the balcony ... hitting the floor below with a life-ending thud. well, that's the worse case scenario. he could totally be stuck in someone's hair, but i have a feeling that i'll never know.

who knew gummy bears could be suicidal?

did you really say poopie?

so, i checked into a moderate marriott courtyard tonight in a suburb of chicago. i had to pee really badly, so i ran into the bathroom and used the facilities.

the toilet clogged when i flushed. OMG. important to note that i only peed.

i had to call the front desk ... didn't bring a plunger with me.

so, the crustiest, oldest guy came knocking at my door. with a plunger. (and no, it wasn't a quickie.)

he assured me that he would totally take care of it ... so i left him to handle the plumbing situation and went back to my blackberry.

when he finished, he checked in with me and advised that if i have to go poopie, yes, he said POOPIE, then i should go poopie, flush, wipe and then flush again. seriously. i couldn't make this stuff up.

he then advised that if i poopie, wipe and then flush ... the toilet would be sure to clog up.

i didn't know what to say. he used the term poopie like three times and i was a little shellshocked.

so, i politely thanked him for the information and he left.

OMG.

have people lost their minds?

wow. an infant bikini, in hooker red, with juicy printed on the fanny, is now available from the fabulous (i use that term super loosely) people at juicy couture.

i would love to meet the people that buy this for their poor, defenseless little girl.

in the wise words of the beastie boys, "i think her name is Lucy, but we all call her loose."

show me the nuts

found a place where you can decorate and MAIL a coconut while in kona, hawaii earlier this week! i did two coconuts ... aren't they fabulous? (please keep in mind that i had to use Pineapple Bob's markers ... and he didn't have that many ... if i had known i was going to do this, i would have brought my own stuff!)

parrot fish

did you know that a male parrot fish is a polygamist of sorts? he has several female parrot fish that follow him around.

but because the male parrot fish are so beautiful, they usually get caught / speared first ... leaving his group of females without a leader.

after the male is gone, the strongest female parrot fish changes into a MALE parrot fish ... changing color and all. and then "he" is in charge until his demise.

weird, huh?

donkey crossing?

between our hotel and the airport ... there is a 2 mile donkey crossing. a DONKEY crossing! i guess i didn't know as much as i thought i did about hawaii ... did you know it snows here too? but i digress. anyway, we have been desperate to see a feral hawaiian donkey ... but nothing so far! we did see a pack of feral hawaiian goats near the donkey area, but they weren't nearly as exciting!

we're going to the volcanoes tomorrow. apparently, we need a coat. a coat in hawaii? bizarre.

poop is falling from the ceiling! poop!

upon arrival on the big island, i spied several bats at the top of the tiki hut, under which was baggage claim B. B is for BAT, i suppose.

ew.

"poop is falling from the ceiling! poop!"
-angela martin, the office, "business school episode"

question.

how does one get a disabled tag for a motorcycle? isn't that strange? struck me as odd as i spied a biker with one today entering the 101 freeway in ventura.

was oprah booked?

hill made an appearance on the tyra banks show yesterday. if that wasn't bad enough, she chose that forum to discuss bill & monica's affair and why she decided to stay with him. wow.

a. tyra banks is as low on the journalism totem pole as jerry springer. was oprah booked? how about matt lauer? even barbara would have been better than tyra.
b. hill is a liar ... she stayed with bill and his cheatin' ass because she had her sights on the white house. pure and simple. i applaud her for doing so ... she was able to keep her eye on the prize, but don't lie about it.

regardless of her pinochino impression yesterday ... hillary '08. mailed the ballot this morning. no turning back now.

blackberry drama

joe and i leave for kona, hawaii tonight. i'm going to try and take an actual vacation ... i am actually leaving my laptop at home ... which is a major deal for me. i usually never leave home without it. but i figured, i will have my blackberry, so i should be okay.

until this morning.

i unplugged my blackberry from its charger this morning and realized that it had never charged.

i checked to make sure the charger was plugged into the wall.

it was.

i tried another outlet ... blackberry still wouldn't charge. tried hooking it up to my computer. still nothing.

so i panicked. seriously.

i called work and talked with tech support ... they told me to take it to an at&t store so they could see if it was a bad battery or a bad phone.

wouldn't you know ... bad phone.

so ... we leave in a few hours ... i did what i had to. bought a new $400 phone, overnighted the bad phone to our tech team at work and am getting on the plane. let someone else sort out the drama for once.

new blackberry is currently charging ... is already synced up with my corporate email, phone numbers, etc. all set to go.

ALOFUCKINGHA. :-)

snapple fact #77

no piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times

i remember testing this out in high school or college ... i couldn't get past 7 no matter how hard i tried.

strange. maybe i should have paid more attention in physics ...

old and snotty

10 years ago on a saturday night, i would have been at the local watering hole, dancing, shopping and / or hanging out with friends.

now, at the ripe old age of 34 ... here's what saturday night looks like today.

• movie with husband - saw "juno" - a must see, by the way
• drank rum during movie
• felt sick
• came home
• ate grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner - CLASSY
• hovered over lola - who had surgery yesterday
• played 90 minutes of "viva pinata" on xbox360 - AWESOME GAME
• rinsed out nasal passages - seriously
• ready for bed

and it's ONLY 9 PM.

what happened to me?

WTF

on my way to the mailbox today, i saw a southern california gas company truck being driven by an old crusty guy who was SMOKING! seriously, does he have a death wish?

i did what i had to. i memorized his truck number and reported him to the gas company.

i think i live in the land of whack-jobs

joe and i watched the 11 pm news last night ... we don't do this very often, but we were curious about the imminent storm ...

OMG.

the stories went like this.

storm - interrupted by breaking news at britney spears' house - storm - back to britney - storm - britney being rolled out on a gurney - storm - oh, by the way, the iowa caucus results are in - britney's kids are also going to the hospital - storm ... blah, blah, blah

seriously. who the fuck cares if britney is further messing up her life and the life of her kids? isn't the presidential election like WAY more important?

i guess it's just another day in la la land.

i am the only one?

doesn't anyone else watch nip / tuck??? i don't think i know one person that watches it ... except me, of course.

i missed my opportunity

i toyed with the idea of sending a holiday card to my neighbors with dogs that would read:

"all i want for Christmas is for your dogs to shut their damn kibble-holes!"

but i chickened out. and now i pay for it by listening to their whiny barking. gotta go. time to bribe them for silence by tossing some bones over the wall. oh the price i have to pay for silence.

bliss

bliss is welcoming in the new year by driving one's car, with the top down, to the beach and walking on the sand under a perfect sunset.

tomorrow i will be more prepared and take a camera!

i just can't get enough

of "nip/tuck." i started watching it a few weeks ago and i can't stop. i'm on season 4 right now ... it's delicious.

you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl

over the past week, i have scratched at least 15 lottery tickets. i got some for christmas and kept winning ... so i had to keep going back to establishments such as 7-11 and Circle K to exchange the winning tickets for new ones.

this afternoon i knew i had a problem when my scratching thumb cramped up.

maybe i should call 1-800-GAMBLER?

hey! where are you taking bob?

i've only read about this type of malfeasance. never before have i witnessed it.

"bob" was on the move in toluca lake tonight. super exciting.

merry christmas

"mom, i wish you could be santa's little helper and shut your damn cakehole!"
- matt the motivational speaker

i'm not a prude, but ...

is this really necessary? (as seen in the topanga canyon mall tonight). seriously.

proper nomenclature

sometimes there are samples in the admiral's clubs that companies donate for travelers.

the usual suspects include Airborne, Zicam ... and now DRIED PLUMS.

aren't "dried plums" also refered to as PRUNES? is the term "prune" not proper nomenclature anymore? when did this happen? i guess dried plums is a sexier name that prunes, but wow.

borderline

new nail polish color

kris kringle makes me tingle

it's on the edge of funny and absolutely sick. of course, i went for it and am planning on wearing it at christmas. i think my family will appreciate the step up from thanksgiving's almost black polish.

i am such a rebel. :-)

over the top

maybe i have "sucker" written on my forehead. or "childless." or maybe just "psycho." but the guys at tails in the city - an adorable pet boutique in downtown chicago - just knew that i couldn't turn down the adorable new puppy couture line they're carrying.

lola got two pieces from the line ... a matching cupcake collar and lead. it is super cute ... even if its price tag was over the top.

ah, poor Baby Sink! s/he will just have to deal with over the top Auntie Julie.

heartburn

i guess i am getting old.
heartburn has set in. very, very sad.

24 hours

after being on the road for 7 solid days (2 states, 2 states, 6,000 miles, stinky people on the airplane, etc.) i returned to the following:

• power had gone off at least twice during my absence. joe was home for one of the outages which was caused by a fire on an electrical pole in our neighbor's yard ... oh the drama. and might i add that he called me to report the fire at midnight chicago time? i didn't sleep for several hours worried about lola and our house. when i finally nodded off, the alarm company called my blackberry to advise that our power was out. duh. the other outage happened on the day i flew home.
• the power outages resulted in an hour of me figuring out (with joe ever so patient on the phone as he's in memphis - with a KIDNEY STONE) how to reset all of the our computers, TVs, TIVOs, routers, and clocks. okay, i know how to reset the clocks, but it still sucked up part of the hour fixing all of them.
• my dog pulled a section of her electric fence off of the wall thereby causing a breach in the beach shack security system. i got shocked about 7 times trying to fix it. it's going to stay broken until joe gets home. if she gets out i'm going to freak, but i think she's smarter than that now that she's been undoubtedly shocked several times.
• lola barfed on me two times today.

that's a lot of drama for 24 hours. i am going to bed now before anything else happens.

finally

our christmas cards are finally finished.

i have NEVER finished this late in the season before ... i'm a done around Thanksgiving kinda gal. traveling for a solid week in december has screwed me up! not to mention that our collective lists are up to over 200 cards ... OMG.

joe's out of town until sunday ... so i have three days to get a true headstart on wrapping. one more present to buy ... but that's it. i have never been this far behind. it's giving me indigestion.

me & mrs. claus

mrs. claus was on my flight from chicago to philly last night!

ratatouille?

saw my first city rat friday night. it was HUGE. like a opossum. ew!

two questions

These pictures were taken this morning in the Sofitel Hotel in Downtown Chicago.

A. Who needs a speakerphone in the bathroom? It was super fun to use, but i would rather have a TV over the tub like at the Penisula Hotel in NYC.

B. And when the decision was made to install the speakerphone, was a data port really necessary? who is going to sit on the can (man) and use the laptop? ew.

merry christmas from ventura

i got a parking ticket yesterday in downtown ventura.
bastards.
it was for "not parking in the marked stall." i was kinda over on one side, but seriously, i didn't know i lived in claremont. (i've gotten the craziest parking tickets in claremont ... i think they go around with a tape measure, but i digress.)

so, to be totally honest, i was parked a little crooked because i did made an illegal left hand turn into the space. but come on, it's CHRISTMAS!

the last ticket i got was for speeding in SANTA CLAUS, INDIANA. i'm serious. 2004. maybe christmastime isn't lucky for me. :-(

all in all, i paid $30 to park yesterday and didn't even have someone park it for me. F!

good to know

i tried clicking my heels three times yesterday to send myself home. i think that trick only works in kansas and you must be wearing red, sparkly shoes because i am still here in tex-ass. one hour to go. shoes or no shoes.

tots

"are you going to eat all of your tots?" - napoleon dynamite

terrell, texas - true story

btw, that is pronounced TER-L. nice.

so, i stopped in TER-L today to fill up my rental car and use a toilet. i chose a chevron on I-20 at the 34.

OMG.

first of all, my credit card didn't work. even though the pump advised that american express was accepted, the mean lady in the gas station store said, "no, only visa and mastercard."

fine. i have a visa.

so i filled up.

then i went inside to use the toilet. i had waited too long and was DESPERATE.

i entered the bathroom (door was open) and the mean lady ran after me yelling, "ma'am stop, ma'am stop."

i looked inside the bathroom ... there was a wooden plank with the words "out of order" scrawled on it lying across the toilet.

so i said, "oh, okay. it's out of order." and turned to leave.

to which she replied, "oh no. we are just out of toilet paper. you use napkin?"

damn straight i'm going to use the napkin. i had about peed my pants!

so i used the dirty bathroom. probably have a disease now. and when i went to through out the used napkins (didn't want to clog her toilet) i saw that there was no TRASH CAN.

some people get what they have coming. i flushed the wad of napkins.

i hate texas.

do people really eat this stuff?

almost vomited when i saw this "restaurant." it's called grandma's. it is located in forney, tx. according to my husband, who lived in tex-ass for 9 months, it is a chain. seriously disgusting.

baby sink cupcakes

kim and james made these cupcakes for turkey day in honor of baby sink's arrival.




the little "pacifers" are really lifesavers with little pieces of gummy worms poking through. they were yummy and super creative!

BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!

BABY SINK COMING MEMORIAL DAY 2008.

woohoo!

fruits of my labor

no taste tests yet.

but this is how the fruits of my labor look.

my dad advised to bring the pie and if it sucks he'll help me dispose of it.

i do not speak pie

i was so pysched to try my hand at another pecan pie this year ... it's been at least 5 years since the last disaster, so i figured i was in good shape.

WRONG. WELL, MAYBE WRONG.

i followed the instructions to a T. and it still came out ... well, really there is just a potential that it's over-cooked (last time it was under - so progress, right?) ... joe wants me to cut it here so i can avoid public humiliation tomorrow. but i say, bring it on. we can't all be little suzie fucking homemakers, can we? i am successful at my job, super fun, hilarious, fabulous (i could go on all day) ... so should i really care that i fucked up another pie? potentially fucked up, but still. it's not like i know for sure that it's good.

i'm making chocolate chip cookies as a back-up. i can so make those.

next year i am signing up for martinis. i speak martini. i think it's time to admit that i do not speak pie.

what is a Ben & Jerry's chunk spelunker?

people who tunnel through their favorite flavors to dig up the chunks.

i totally do this ... do you?

my dog is a piggie

true story.

lola walked into my office this afternoon.
sat on my foot (does it all of the time).
and then farted.
a real fart. audible. not a SBD.

wow.

dive bar

somehow i wound up at a bar in ventura last night that was super divey.

a homeless guy with one eye greeted us at the door.

some of the female patrons didn't have front teeth.

it was a rough crowd, to say the least.

and 3 beers and 3 malibu & diet cokes cost $11.50. how is that possible? ONE martini at maestro's is $17.

i was scared. but did escape with my life.

ps. i think they did lap dances on the patio.

quote

"Magnum: [condom] not just for any weenie."
- the best rep in the whole world

snapple fact #34

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

american express card

took 2.8 years, but i finally memorized my american express card number. i memorized my visa number years ago ... so now i can shop online in no time flat! and yes, i know the codes as well. :-)

happy birthday to ms. hello kitty white!

33 years old today!

creative spelling

you know you're a frequent flier when ...

the bartender at the admiral's club not only recognizes you, but has your breakfast ready by the time you saddle up to the bar. wow.

fuck india

i can assure everyone at dell fucking computers that i absolutely DO NOT want to talk to anyone from india when my fucking computer dies. i have been on this call for 20 minutes and have had to repeat myself 100 times. i so can't wait for the survey re: their service.