I am hating on RoadRunner Shuttle right now. Incompetent group of amateurs

needs to know why customer service is dead in an economy that is supposed to be in recession

3 funerals in 6 weeks. not good

taxi

most hilarious taxi ride, maybe ever. well, probably ever ... i don't recall ever getting a marriage proposal in one before ... so, the taxi picked me up in front of Tiffany ... after I told him where I was headed, he asked me where I'm from, blah, blah, blah. I told him Los Angeles and he asked what I did there and I answered, work. he said that because I know he's a cab driver I should tell him my profession. I left it at a vp of sales ... he then decided that I couldn't be married because american men wouldn't propose to such an important woman, but that he would love to be married to me and how about it? ... I'm still laughing.

Lady Gaga tomorrow!!! "My religion is you."

loose lips sink aunt julie

so, sid's grandparents (we think) let the cat out of the bag about the potential move to the east coast. and i really need to reiterate POTENTIAL ... nothing has been decided. it's just something that is being explored. which is why sid was left out of the loop ... there is no point in advising an almost 10 year old of something major that MIGHT happen ... but, apparently, my opinion was not shared.

she is beside herself, but she won't say anything to me directly about it. however, her mom did tell me that she demanded to know whether or not i've actually interviewed for the position. she wanted to know because she thought it might be a good idea for she and her mom to slip something into my food before the interview that would make me throw up during said interview so that they wouldn't pick me. nice. bodily harm.

so of course, sid knowing makes this process all the more difficult. i am so over talking about it. seriously.

on a side note, sid did ask me today if we could still go to paris when she's a little older ... no matter where i happen to be living. so cute ... i reminded her that we've been talking about that trip since she was a wee little girl and that as soon as her mom gives us the go-ahead, that we're outta here. :-) that made her happy. i did tell her that she needs to get a passport ASAP so we're prepared. :-)

I like the old Victoria way better than the new one in Eclipse. Not a Howard family fan.

I'm in the process of evaluating my wolfpack. Some wolves are out, others are in.

I loathe fireworks.

pet or PEOPLE accidents?

nice merchandising

Promotion?
Higher education?
East Coast.

Love our nicknames ... Miss Sophia calls me JuJu and Joe "Juncle.".

Sophia is absolutely Kim's daughter! She can sleep anywhere ... Under any circumstance ... And FOREVER! I have been trying to wake Miss Sophia for 30 minutes ... Maybe bathtime will be better for all involved if I bathe her while she's sleeping?????

Dominic James
born today
9 lbs 13 ozs
21" long
Healthy and Handsome!!
More to come ...

kingman barstow san bernafuckingdinofuckingshit GD!

for ALSE

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey,
butane in my veins so I'm out to get the junkie
with the plastic eyeballs, spraypaint the vegetables,
dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose,
kill the headlights and put it in neutral,
stockcar flaming with a loser in the cruise control,
baby's in Reno with the vitamin D,
got a couple of couches, sleep on the love seat,
someone came sayin' I'm a saint (I'm insane)
to complain about a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt,
don't believe everything that you breathe,
you get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve,
so shave your face with some mace in the dark,
saving all your food stamps for burning down the trailer park,yo, cut it

Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me,
double barrel buckshot,
Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me,
forces of evil on a bozo nightmare,
ban all the music with a phony gas chamber
cause one's got a weasel and others got a flag,
one's on the pole, shove the other in the bag,
with the rerun shows and cocaine nose job,
the daytime crap of the folk singers slop,
he hung himself with a guitar string,
a slab of turkey neck and it's hangin' from a pigeon wing,
I can't write if ya' can't relate,
trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate,
and my time is a piece of wax, fallen on a termite, who's chokin' on the splinters

Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me
get crazy with the cheez-wiz,
Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me
drive, by, body pierce
yo bring it on down

Sometimes I think
What I need is a you intervention, yeah

I need to vent about the sheer madness of me not being in chicago next week for the candy show. It's been a lifelong dream to go ... Just once, I also missed the stationery show in NYC this week. It is going to take an awesome conference this weekend in scottsdale to make up for this serious disappointment. Dinner at mastro's and sprinkles cupcakes will be a good start ...

Rod Stewart's cover of Stevie Nicks' "Stand Back" is absolutely divine.

I am a pot stirrer.
And I love it.

Kim called last night, in hysterics, because Grandma called her asking if she knew to what "the thunder from down under" refers. Kim weenied out and didn't tell her.

So, of course, I had to call Grandma and make sure she knew what it was ... Unfortunately, I was too late!!!!! She asked my uncle.

I am terribly disappointed that I didn't get to explain it to Grandma.

The music's on and I'm dancing
I'm normally in the corner just standing
I'm feeling unusual
I don't care cause this is my night

I hate iTunes. I NEVER bought anything from them ... Until GLEE. Now I can't stop ... iTunes gets them first. Seriously. Do I not have any convictions??

the magic date has been set

06-01-10 for little baby sink 2
if this turns out to be the actual date, Sophia and her new sibling will be two years and two days apart ... Kim and I are three years and three days apart ...

how have i never heard this song before??

Run Joey Run
David Geddes

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see.
She called me up, late last night, she said Joe, don't come over
My dad and I just had a fight, and he stormed out the door
I've never seen him act his this way, my God, hes going crazy
He says he's gonna make you pay, for what we've done, he's got a gun, so

Run Joey Run Joey Run
Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see.

I got in my car and I drove like mad, till I reached Julie's place
She ran to me, with tears in her eyes, and bruises on her face
All at once, I saw him there, sneaking up behind me, WATCH OUT!
Then Julie yelled, he's got a gun, and she stepped in front of me
Suddenly, a shot rang out, and I saw Julie falling
I ran to her, I held her close, when I looked down, my hands were red,and here's the last words Julie said...

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married.....aaahhh..ahhhhahhhh....ahhhhh
Run Joey run Joey run Joey run Joey
run Joey run

www.textsfromlastnight.com

I am home for the entire week and I'm not sick. I don't know what to do with myself. However, I will figure it out on my morning beach walks which I have missed tremendously.

Speaking of dead animals ... While using my husband's computer today to load my new iPod (that is another load of drama) I noticed that the photos of the dead rat, named Steve, are saved on his desktop. I almost vomited.

What am I going to do if Lola kills another animal and brings it into my room before Joe gets home? I am living in fear.

I vote for Edward Cullen Sink for a boy and Isabella Swan Sink for a girl

I am completely obsessed with the parallels between the Lincoln and JFK assassinations. I am so glad I unearthed that first edition in DC ... I may just have to create a Lincoln / JFK death tour. Now ... How to gain access to Jackie's bloodied pink Chanel suit that is still in a climate controlled vault in Kennedy's library. That would be way better than of time I saw Lincoln's sheets and jacket with his blood! I know am a little on the macbre side of things ...

super year so far

while i am in absolute and total denial that it's almost may, and my 37th birthday, the year has treated me well so far .. is it terrible that i am sort of waiting for it to end tragically? i'm so black and white.

work has been superb ... it's like everything i've been working for during the past 5 years has finally come to fruition. all of the sudden, everything is perfect. and yet, there are looming clouds of change overhead ... one way or another i will have different responsibilities by the year's end ... i have to figure out how to anniversary the largest bonus i've received since 2001, and whether or not we're going to move. and if we move, will it be within california or another state? i really could live in chicago at a moment's notice. joe's job is flexible, so really, there are some big decisions ahead ... and if we stay, when am i going to find the time to finish remodeling the shack?

well, i guess that's enough pondering for one morning ... i'm off to kick some ass and take some names.

Working on a personal goal ... How long can I go without the IT department making me change my laptop password. It's been 5 years and almost 3 months. Serious security theater ... It's almost on par with the airports.

I did mention the issue almost 3 years ago and was told, "well, that shouldn't happen.". So, now it's a game.

Mariah Carey (or Cary?) this early in the morning may cause me to do harm to myslef or those around me

cough drops

seriously. this allergy thing is going to be the end of me.
just realized that i can't take most cough drops because they have citrus or red 40 in them. do we really need red 40 in cough drops? thank goodness for organic, no shit added, cough drops. but i will point out that the "good" ones are like 3x the cost of "regular" ones ... criminal.

i may quit my real life and become a lobbyist for the abolishment of red 40 in our food. if england has banned it, why can't we?

Lewis and Clark map is awesome.

remind me to tell you all about the dad/daughter situation at the dc hard rock last night

FYI. Security is tighter at the capitol than any airport through which I've flown.

Thanks a lot, Bin Laden. (Alan quote from "the hangover.")

I just sat in "the gentleman's section" in the house gallery. it was truly amazing to see "where the magic/bullshit takes place." Interesting fact, cameras, or anything else with a battery, is not allowed in the house or senate galleries. Why? Because in 1954 some Cuban Nationals, pissed about the Immigration bill, opened fire using guns that looked like cameras. The bullet holes ares still visible.

walking into a hotel room is like going on a blind date.

AND ... Train travel is so much more dignified. There's no boarding drama ... No luggage carousels ... No lost baggage ... You get to keep your stuff with you and it's easier on those who who are prone to sinus infections.

BUT ... There is no security ... No ID checks ... Easier but makes me a little nervous.

Another thing I didn't know about train travel is the immense difference in timing. There is no security to clear and you don't check your bags. No one cares how many liquids you have in your bags or if you're carrying a swiss army knife. You don't board until a few minutes before the train actually leaves, much like a subway, but you have to schlep your bags. But, I found out, last summer. That a red cap guy is your friend. If you sit in business or first, you have access to these guys and for tips, they'll take your bags and get you on the train early. Who knew? I know I'm rambling, but it's all so new and I'm super proud of myself for figuring it all out.

I can absolutely understand why people who don't travel often hate and dread it. Today, I'm traveling via Acela from Philly to DC ... this is my 3rd trip on an Acela, ever.

Having only been to the Philly station once, I was a little nervous about making it, on time and in one piece, at 5:30 in the morning from NJ. It's only a 20 minute drive, but it's crossing a state line so in my head it's a bigger deal than it should be.

I took a wrong turn as I got into the city. With my knowledge of Philly and GPS I made it to the station with plenty of time to spare.

But there were NO signs directing me to where I should leave my rental car. Again, because I do travel a lot, my instincts kicked in and I figured it out. But honestly, it wasn't easy. I was pretty close to calling travel, cancelling the ticket and just driving to DC. But I hung in there.

To be continued ...

I could get used to this ... Consumers are not allowed to pump their own gas in the state of NJ (the only other state like this I know about is Oregon) ... full serve pricing is the same as self-serve ... Love it!

too hot in the hot tub

really? 75 degrees and humid before 9 am in NJ? i would die if i lived here. perspective has changed.

I can tell you that the woman in 19A needs to get a clue. She's eating hard boiled eggs and very pungent pickles during the flight to dallas. She's topping it off with tomato juice. I may vomit.

i will admit ...

that 2,000 SMS's a month is a bit excessive ... that's an average of almost 65 / day based on 31 days / month

continued ...

Well, there you have it. The USPS is so broke that they've filed to abolish saturday delivery service, but they can't deliver an envelope 500 miles in less than 5 days?? Ah, I love the government.

I then asked the teller if I could have had the card overnighted to me at my expense ... She told me that was a really good idea. Duh.

It might be time to switch to Santa Barbara Bank & Trust, or the mattress.

I lost my debit card the first night I was in new orleans ... it just vanished ... I cancelled it immediately and ordered a new card after I made sure I was the last one to use it.

That was a week ago. Still having no debit card I had to go to the bank today and do an old school deposit and withdraw some cash. I'm leaving to go out of town again and am a little stressed about not having the new card with me.

I confirmed with the teller that a new card had in fact been sent out ... and to my address ... It went out SIX business days. She assured me that the "normal" delivery window is 5-7 business days and that I shouldn't worry.

SIX days? Certain that it must have shipped from india, I asked her from where the new cards come.

Ready for this? Seriously?

ARIZONA.

Obviously the next question was "how did it ship? Via mule?". She advised via USPS.

to be continued ...

won't have a title ...

blog posts from my blackberry will not have a title ... i think we can deal, right?

i did it!

i linked my blog to my blackberry via SMS!

testing! hello, world!

it can all change in a blink of an eye

driving home tonight, i saw the aftermath of a suv vs a skateboarder. it might be the worst thing i have ever seen in my life ... well, sans the dead guy in new orleans, but that is another story entirely.

i wasn't going to stop, but something deep inside told me that i should ... and while it was very difficult to see what i saw, i'm glad i stopped.

as i got out of my car, the skateboarder's wife drove up on the scene with her two-year old son in the backseat of their car. you can only imagine how horrifying it was to witness her realizing that the victim was her husband.

but, i am a firm believer in that you are in certain places at certain times for a reason. i've never met the woman before, nor do i think i'll ever see her again, but in that moment, she and her son were all that mattered in this world. another stranger and i comforted her, moved her car and then i talked to her mother-in-law on the phone to arrange for her to come and pick up her grandson. it was second nature. once the grandson was safe and the woman was set to ride in the ambulance with her husband, i went home. there was nothing more to do.

again, i don't know why i stopped, but whatever compelled me to do so and then lend a hand gives me hope that most people in this world are truly good people. it's too bad the dirtbags steal the limelight and make us forget just why we're all here.

first and foremost

if blogspot had a fabulous, blackberry interface like twitter, i'd be posting all day long ... wtf?

look closely

www.textsfromlastnight.com

i have a feeling that i might be posting on this site in the very near future. or have i already? :-)

pretty woman

oh i so didn't mean to make the last post sound so "pretty woman!"

occupational hazard

i sleep in so many hotels each month that i forgot where my own bathroom was last night ... now that's just sad ...

crossroads

the past week has been filled with major, noteworthy and somewhat unexpected changes. it's strange how one person's decision can start a ripple effect that causes life-changing decisions to be made.

if everything falls in line and makes sense, could I really live in philadelphia?

odd

I find it strange that a purchase of red bull cola today prompted a pepcid coupon to spit out with my receipt. Even so, I would love to be a part of those marketing meetings!

testing ...

If I can post from my blackberry ... I may be able to post more often

i may give this up ...

i just might give the blogging up ... i suck at it now :-(

thanks, dad

very exclusive vodka ... thanks, dad!

seriously?

good idea?

i am wondering just how smart it is to be texting Jerry song requests at the wedding ... they may think he's going through another mid-life crisis

when i grow up

i think that when i grow up i would like to work on the hill :-)

priceless

bizarre

I go to Chicago - John Hughes dies
I go to Boston - Ted Kennedy dies
I go to New York - Dominick Dunne AND DJ AM die

All I have to say is that Michael Vick better watch his back ... I was just in Philly

anxiety - black eyed peas

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees
and that's the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

travel musings

it's no secret that air travel security has evolved dramatically post 9/11 and after the thwarted terrorist attack in the UK several summers ago.

i play the game ... i participate in airport security theater almost every week. i don't feel any safer since 9/11 ... and certainly not since the usa went to what seems to be a permanent orange status. but, i take off my shoes, segregate my electronics, put my laptop in its own tub and smoosh my less than 3-oz liquids into a quart sized baggie so i can go to work.

homeland security is the result of 9/11 ... a desperate attempt to regain control on a seemingly out of control situation ... but how did they forget about the about trains?

i recently rode the acela from boston to new york and then new york to philly a couple of days later. no one checked my government issued identification against my ticket ... i didn't pass through a metal detector ... i didn't segregate my liquids ... and i took all of my baggage onto the train with me.

am i the only one that sees how wide open this leaves us for another attack? if we're going to stage security theater, then we need to do it and do it right. or give up and realize that there is no absolute control to be had and that everyday we wake up alive is a gift?

alice in wonderland

favorite from nyc

in other words, mind the gap?

how come "mind the gap" sounds so much cooler? maybe it's england calling me back?

philly to dallas

do i have a sign on my face that says, "please talk to me despite the fact that my headphones are in my ears?" i must ... as the drunk lady in 4E never shut up today ... i finally had to fake that i was asleep to get some relief.

i really wasn't interested in the fact that her son just is premiering a movie tomorrow in santa fe that stars joan allen and jeremy irons. it's for lifetime so in my book that really doesn't count.

but i will admit i was interested when she advised that her gay brother in 90210 had it on good authority that a certain A-lister married to a "cougar" is in fact gay himself.

blues

if you don't know the blues ... there's no point in picking up the guitar and playing rock and roll." - keith richards

random photos - nyc

marilyn monroe's eternal neighbors

Los Angeles, California - Buried Face-Down Above Marilyn Monroe

The "Man with an Eternal Smile?"

Joe DiMaggio had purchased two crypts in Westwood Cemetery for he and his famous wife, and while divorcing in 1954 sold his to Richard Poncher. The crypt Poncher bought was located directly above that which would eventually hold the remains of Marilyn Monroe (in 1962). Nearing death in 1986, Poncher told his wife "... if you don't put me upside down over Marilyn, I'll haunt you the rest of your life." Shortly before he was interred, his wife instructed the funeral director to place him upside down in his casket, which he did.

Recently Mrs. Poncher has decided to sell the crypt and move her husband to another site. The crypt is going to be listed on Ebay and the starting bid will be $500,000. [Phil Pasquini, 08/18/2009]

[RA: Phil updated us that bidding on eBay was already over $4.5 million. Note: Hugh Hefner had long ago reserved the spot next to Marilyn.]

melancholy

today is one of those days that i will remember what i was doing when i heard about the death of farrah fawcett and michael jackson. just like the day the challenger blew up, 9/11 and when reagan and john lennon were shot.

watch this

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1804456

butt crack on a hot tin roof

this guy is actually repairing the roof on a mobile home ...

sophia can fly!

i heart my new flip - aptly named PILF

merry merry merry

the shack has made the leap from dusty and dirty to a sty. it's been almost 4 weeks since our last housekeeper did her half-ass cleaning.

but, today, i am interviewing merry maids. temporary solution to a long-term problem. i don't care how much it costs, i want the shack in "move out condition."

and no, i won't clean it myself. never!

follow me on twitter

due to time constraints and the ease of twittering on my blackberry, i foresee more twittering than blogging in my future.

www.twitter.com

iamthewalrus73

sanitary, fresh & safe

makes me heart canada just a little more ...

sweet

i am seriously wondering if sweet will ever blog again. it's been a month. i miss her.

clever

sorta like goldilocks, but different

so, yesterday, during my somewhat uneventful flight from lax to dfw, i had a strange experience that reminded me of the story of goldilocks.

i was in 17D ... aisle. there was an empty middle seat (yea) and someone sitting in 17E (window).

as usual, i was asleep and 17E guy walked in front of me (it was an exit row so there was sorta enough room for him to do so) to go to the lavatory. i went back to sleep.

i felt / heard him come back. didn't pay much attention. was sleeping.

then an altercation broke out.

apparently the guy that returned DIDN'T BELONG IN THAT SEAT. so the squatter and the rightful occupant of 17E had some words. it wasn't pretty.

finally, the squatter left ... thank goodness as i hate being held on a plane in the destination city waiting for the marshalls (yep, i've been on that plane) ... and i went back to sleep.

how did this happen?

serious contusion on my foot.

danger, danger

turns out, my RELATIVE was in NOLA at the very same time i was this past weekend ... so, of course, we had to get together.

she brought along her friends ... who are fabulous. i invited a couple of guys i know from work ... i've known them since i entered the hardware business about 4 years ago ... i know they're crazy, but this time, they were over the top and down the other side.

OMFG. perhaps i'm just immune to their antics. or grown to expect it. but, as this was the first time MY RELATIVE and her friends had met them, they were, i'm sure, a little on the shocked side. below is an excerpt i received after the night out. please remember that we were in NEW ORLEANS. wow, i hope MY RELATIVE and her friends survived without any permanent scarring ...

So, Bobo shows up to line up at my gate this afternoon. I, of course, don't say anything, but after a couple minutes he turns to me and says "Hey, didn't I party with you last night?" and proceeds to sit down next to me. He goes into a little bit of his night...got in at 530, still drunk when he got up at 8, felt great except his feet hurt from dancing so much, blah blah blah. He then calls his wife, which I figured was the end of our convo. Not so fast my friends.

After the brief phone call, he leans over and says, "So you missed a few things last night" and starts to show me some pics on his phone...one of which is of a bachelorette party with a giant novelty penis. At that point, the stranger woman next to us leans over and says, "Alright, now I have to see. It's ok, I'm in the business. (whispers) I have sex toys." Evidently she works for Slumber Party, which of course Bobo knew e'thing about, and of course, she was also at the trade show. After looking at his pic, she pulls out her camera and says check this out and shows us a pic of two people on Bourbon Street in full bondage gear, including whips and a collar/leash. They proceed to talk more about things, including boobs, flashing, Slumber Party products (she gave him her card), the shot girls from last night (evidently he spent another $100 on those stupid shots at the next bar), etc.

seriously?

i knew it was too good to be true.
turns out the new orleans trip could be all washed up, so to speak.
i made it down here without any drama, but we're on tornado AND flood watch.
seriously, how do people live here?

very excited

while i'm totally beat from 5 days in chicago ... i cannot wait to hit new orleans on thursday. CANNOT WAIT. i haven't been there for 7 years ... and while it is one of the smelliest places in the country (vomit, vodka, sewer) ... it is one of my favorite places to visit. however, it's way dangerous and i am considering hiring security. seriously.

new shirt

new shirt for air travel will read: chat disabled

i love this

i might be too old ...

but i still love pink taco in las vegas.

time

where has the last month gone? time is whizzing by like never before. perhaps it's all of the time i spend on the road?

joe and i just got back from vegas ... 5 days in sin city. i was there for work ... joe came along for the fun. i must state here that i'm so over vegas. has it always smelled like a giant ashtray? how sad is it that we stayed at a marriott property because it's smoke-free? how's that for getting old? but we did manage to gamble a little, eat some great food and see a couple of shows. but seriously, if i never go back, it'll be too soon.

next trips: chicago and new orleans. can't wait.

to publish or not to publish?

i have over 200 letters that i have written over the past 10 years that i came across today.

most are "hey, you could have done XYZ a little better" letters, but there are several relating to praise as well. the recipients range from hotels to consumer packaged goods companies to the airlines.

i am seriously considering having the decade of letters published.

working title: how not to get f***ed by the man

congrats

congrats go out to miss sophia on her two tooth strong bottom gum! did i mention that her first tooth erupted while at the shack on vay-kay? i wonder if there is a card for such an occasion!?!

resolution - late in the making

i resolve to walk at the beach at least two times a week.
kristine's picking me up in the morning. she goes daily. she's such a stud.

the end

the ride is gone. not sure to where it fled, but it's out of my area. score one for the good guys.

day 8, but progress!

3 days to move or be towed.

the ride

looks much worse in person. did i mention it's leaking oil?