you give some people a badge ...

unbefuckinglievable is the only way to describe memphis airport security and their tsa agents.

so, i've traveled almost every week since the liquid ban and have had NO problems. i've read everything my airline of choice sends me regarding carry-on luggage updates ... and i adhere to the ever-changing guidelines.

apparently, the memphis tsa were on loan from heathrow.

this mean tsa agent roamed up and down the SLOWER THAN MOLASSES line yelling at us about liquids. i didn't really listen because i thought i had it all under control.

she then proceeded to advise that ALL "LEGAL" liquids had to be in a quart sized ziploc-type baggie to pass through security. otherwise it had to be checked.

again ... not heathrow ... USA.

so, i figured, what the hell, jail in memphis might be a good time, so i started in with the questions.

"why are you requiring the baggie? these are domestic flights. liquids under 4 oz. per container are allowed, regardless of receptacle."

to which she replied, "that's just the way it is."

so i gave her my slits and proceeded to dig through my carry-ons ... looking for a spare hello kitty baggie. it may not be quart-sized, but i figured it'd work.

i then remembered that my medications are in a clear plastic pouch ... and even though the zipper is printed with flamingos, it's 99% transparent.

i proceeded to transfer my lip gloss, eye drops, purell and tide to go to the medicine pouch. bitch-face noticed my activities and swarmed right over ... demanding to see what i was doing.

that's really out of line, babe ... i'm OUTSIDE of the sterile area. you can't touch me. :-) i glared and she reached out and tried to GRAB my belongings. to which i asked, "do you need to actually handle my items outside of the search area?"

i figured i was going to jail for sure.

she then asked about the medications ... did i have proper documentation? i offered to pull each and every rx copy for her inspection ... deciding that i was going to kill her with kindness. she declined and handed my property back.

FINALLY, i made it to the front of the line.

i stripped down, put my stuff in bins and walked through.

not one tsa agent even looked at my medication / beauty bag. bitch.

so, i'm on the other side, patience is at a premium, and i'm putting myself back together. my honeymoon necklace was in the same bin as my shoes. it's a very expensive piece of jewelry ... and i'm very careful with it. so, i'm watching the necklace in the bin as i'm tossing my shoes on the ground. without any notice, some old, bald tsa guy grabs the bin, and starts to tilt it in an effort to put it away. my necklace was precariously hanging on for dear life! i lost it. i yelled, "STOP IT...WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" then, in a calmer voice, i advised him that the necklace is not replaceable and that he was not to touch my property again now that it had been cleared by x-ray boy."

i walked away before the cuffs could be produced.

i loathe memphis. there was no burnin' love here today.