nipples?

don't these look like nipples?
this is the design on the bedspread at the courtyard in bloomingdale, il.
super hot.

where is julie?

i would not make a good administrative / executive assistant

in the span of 24 hours i broke a mailing tape dispensing gun, screwed up a couple of sets of 2-sided copies, and got in a fight with a stapler. my rep, who witnessed all of this, advised me not to ever use these items again. it wasn't pretty.

beyond cold

it's snowing. horizontally.
wind chill in bloomingdale, il is -9.
i really don't know how i'm going to go outside.
very scared of freezing to death.

anti-flatulence underwear!

www.under-tec.com

Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas (malodorous flatus) and are made from a soft air-tight fabric (polyurethane-coated nylon). To maintain the air-tightness, elastic is sewn into the material around the waist and both legs.
A triangular "exit hole" for the flatus to be expelled is cut from the back of the air-tight underwear, near the bottom. This "exit hole" is covered with a "pocket" made of ordinary porous fabric sewn over the "exit hole". This unique design forces all expelled gas (flatus) out through the "pocket".
Inside the "pocket" is a high-functioning, replaceable filter - the core of the technology. This multi-layered filter is made in a sandwich-style, and begins with the two outer layers of wool felt. The second two layers are made of non-woven polypropylene and spun glass materials. In the center of the filter is a single layer of activated carbon.
The filter is then covered with soft ordinary material to allow for easy replacement in or out of the pocket. The underwear are washable and will last approximately a year depending on the frequency of use and laundering. Each filter will last from several weeks to several months depending on the frequency of use and laundering.

i have requested an order form.

i'm going to pump, you up!

we went back to the gym this morning.
it's been almost 2 years since i've lifted weights ... but as i haven't lost any weight in the past month and HATE weight watchers as a result, i suggested to joe that we go back.

it was okay ... not as bad as i thought ... and now that we've made the first step, i am super hopeful that we'll keep going.

ipods help. and vicodin.

but what if i have to pee?

the lavatory was out of service this morning on aa #3193 from lax to san jose.

i can totally make it an hour ... and they did warn us, but what if we got stuck on the tarmac? had to circle san jose due to weather? it's a bit unnerving to know that you don't have an accessible toilet nor depends. i couldn't go to my big meeting today with a big pee stain on my ass. it was a lot of pressure. so to speak. :-)

joe advised that if i had to go, i should pee in the aisle. he was pretty sure that would get us a new plane.

let's recap. no snacks. no pillows. no playing cards. late departures and arrivals ('06 had the most delayed flights in recorded history). delayed baggage. and now no toilet access? i SO need a corporate jet and a driver.

super dramatic air traveler!

so, there was a c-list actor type ahead of me in the security line this morning.
he was traveling with a small rat-like dog. maybe a ferret? but i digress.

he set off the metal detector on the first walk-through.
he started in on a tirade about how he didn't know he had to get naked to go through security.

he walked through again. bells went off.

so did he.

he yelled at the TSA agent, "well, i guess it's the big cock ring on my dick that is setting it off."

brad, tsa boy, made him step to the side for a secondary screening. keep in mind that he's carrying the ferret-like creature through all of this.

none of the TSA agents wanted to screen him. big surprise. he was standing there, asking all of the women to please frisk him so he could move on. pig.

i left before the ferret-lover was cleared. maybe he wasn't?

gum is now a no-no?

my tooth / jaw / gums have been hurting for a good 24 hours now.
i did call for painkillers - but didn't take one this morning because i had to drive to the airport ... need to be cognizant for a meeting, etc. it hurts.

so, perhaps i shouldn't have chewed some gum this morning. it seemed like a good idea at the time. but not so much now. f.

dentist update

the dentist drama is over.
i have NO cavities, NO need for crowns or root canals. NOTHING.

i had two wisdom teeth pulled this morning ... that's it. i get to keep the other two.

back on track. rock on.

camry magnet

i purposely parked in the middle of nowhere this afternoon at target. there were no cars for miles.

i was only in target for 10 minutes.

and this is what happened. i checked for dents, just in case.

(please note that my car is free of westlake audi license plate frames.)

dentist

shame on me for waiting so long to go to the dentist.
bill clinton was in office the last time i went.

it was so bad today that they only did one side of my mouth. rest tomorrow. i am such a wimp!

i have to have my wisdom teeth pulled and who knows what else.

oh, maybe this princess will have to get a crown? :-)

vampires in ventura?

ew!!!!!!

improvisation

there is no bathtub in my hotel room. i neglected to bring a bucket back with me from the office. i had to soak my bloody stump of a toe.

i see mops & brooms

it's a winter wonderland!

quickie manufacturing - cinnaminson, nj

clean panty insurance

i was delayed overall 3 hours due to weather last night, but i made it to philly despite a couple of cancelled flights.

i attribute it all to "clean panty insurance." if i hadn't had a clean change of clothes, i know i would have been stuck in dal-ass. but alas, i made it all the way, luggage and all. :-)

snow sucks

if i wanted to deal with snow every week i would move to a snowy locale.
i am super tired of snow derailing my life. i lugged a roller bag with me today because i am convinced that i will be snowed in at a marriott in dallas. at least i'll have clean panties and my gameboy. maybe i should have packed a snowblower.

recovery

my toe is feeling better after surgery on monday. it's kinda bloody and goopy still, but it feels a lot better. :-)

can't wait to know how it feels after walking through lax, dfw and phl airports tomorrow. :-(

super cold

it is so cold tonight that a snowflake appeared next to the temperature tonight on sterling's dashboard. super cold.

paparazzi in training

after a leisurely dinner in malibu tonight, malibu tim and i toured the site of last week's fire. we stopped by suzanne's house ... it's too bad that there wasn't a door on which we could knock. :-(

i'm super glad we weren't picked up by the malibu police for parking at odd angles so we could use my headlights as flood lights.

out of respect for those who lost their homes, no photo documentation was obtained. that and we didn't have a camera with a flash.

save the environment and save money!

starbucks will take $0.10 off of each beverage for which you bring in your own cup. not a bad deal!

it happened again!

last march i posted the following ... 10 months later i am still being harassed by my audi dealer! i picked up my car this morning and ANOTHER FRAME HAD MATERIALIZED. it has been discarded. the following still applies!

3.22.2006

harassed

to my local audi dealer:

isn't it enough that i leased an overpriced audi from your dealership? my payments are never late; i take amazing care of my car; i drive topless often; and i speak POSITIVELY about your dealership often. i would send my mom to buy a car from you ... you are that fabulous.i think that's enough. i'm holding up my end of the bargain ... so STOP PUTTING A DEALER LICENSE PLATE FRAME ON MY CAR WHEN I GET SERVICE. the previous frames didn't fall off of my car ... i removed them, ON PURPOSE. yes, even i know how to use a phillips head screwdriver! the car is 16 months old. i'm tired of unscrewing the license plate frames. i think i'm going to remove the screws and glue the plate directly on the car. you don't want that. it'll be ugly when i turn in the lease.give it up. i won't give you daily free advertising. ever.

a4 cabriolet enthusiast

sad

i have to have surgery on my left foot's big toe. not looking forward to it ... but at least i have hello kitty bandaids!

al, i believe you!

it was 88 today in ventura.
mr. gore, you are correct. global warming does exist and is a serious problem.

camera

my camera has returned safe and sound. kudos to hertz at DFW for handling this situation so fabulously. they are a bright spot in a state of otherwise dismalness.

1/2 way there

i am 1/2 way to flying a million miles on american airlines.
once i hit a million miles i am a gold member in their elite system for life.
2 million = platinum ... i'm only 33 ... i may just hit 2 million

too bad i can't transfer my 200,000 united miles over to american ... :-(

super clusterfuck

american airlines ... lax ... baggage claim ... january 3, 2007 ... 21:00 ... unconscionable

karma

i cashed in all of my karma points today. i left my camera in the hertz rental car in dallas yesterday ... but didn't realize it was gone until 10 hours later ... anything could have happened to it in that time. i really didn't expect to ever see it again. i even priced out a new one. :-(

however, hertz lost and found has it. :-) they are overnighting it to me. i love it when a story ends well.

i'm super sure that the karma i accrued after fishing a gold bracelet out of the toilet at marie callendar's and subsquently turning it in to a very grossed out manager pushed me over the top and enabled my camera to be returned to me. :-)

you know you're in texas when ...

the buyer on which you're calling has EIGHT dead animal heads and bodies on display in his office.

if memory serves (i almost puked) there were ...

4 elk-like heads (all had antlers)
1 full-sized turkey (gobble, gobble)
1 mountain lion / cat (kinda small, meow)
1 elk-like skull with fur on the antlers (super gross)
1 full-sized coon (as they call 'em here in texas)

i still may vomit.

cutting edge in texas?!?

i got to go through the "puffer" screener today at DFW. super fun. after i stripped down, put my life on the conveyor belt, and went through the metal detector ... i got to enter the "puffer" chamber. you get blown with air that is supposed to detect explosives. you have to hold your shirt down or you'll flash the TSA peeps. i guess you really don't have to if you want to show off your ta tas.

i wonder what happens if you fart in the chamber ...

i love weenies.

pulled over at LAX

while on the shuttle this morning, i saw a car get pulled over around terminal 2. the cop didn't not fuck around. he started yelling "get out of the car with your hands up" before the car even stopped. i guess they assume everyone is a terrorist until proven otherwise.

from terminal 4 ... lax

as expected, airport check-in was a complete clusterfuck this morning.

why aa didn't realize that travel would be heavy the day after a holiday? heck, they could have just looked at the ticket sales if they weren't sure of the impact. there were people EVERYWHERE.

i arrived at T-4 at 6 am for an 8 am flight. i've never seen so much fucking drama. no one knew where to go ... lines merged into lines that then went nowhere ... it was quite a sight. i hopped from the first class full-service line, business class self-service line and then back out to the skycaps ... which had the highest level of "which way do i go?" drama ... and FINALLY had my bag checked 25 minutes later.

(btw, if aa would get it's head of out its ass and dedicate a ticket counter to checking in bags of passengers who checked in online some of the crowds would be minimized. duh.)

security took 3 minutes. how's that for irony?

happy new year!

here's to a fabulous 2007!