the colorado curse

i may never drive in the state of colorado again.

i've been here for five days and have had at least 5 run-ins with walls, concrete pylones, small yellow poles, and curbs. i spent 20 minutes at a gas station scrubbing / scraping yellow paint off of the front bumper ... attached is a "before" picture. i think it is because i'm driving a HUGE grand marquis.

only two of the incidents left significant damage ... as is illustrated in the photo. i did get all of the yellow paint off, so i hope that the rental car company doesn't notice.

on a side note, the last time i was here, i was in a minor fender bender.

i think i'm going to have to stick to taxis and drivers when i come back. :-)

i think the marketing person that approved this ad should be fired

all i see here is a guy who is smelling his own crotch area. bad art decision. ball sniffing guy really skeeves me out.

is this gross?

i have super dry heels that sometimes crack.
i find it helpful to use a foot file (like a giant emery board) to rid myself of some of the drama before i apply a liberal amount of lotion.

joe almost barfed when he saw me do it a couple of weeks ago. i think it's okay. is it gross and i just don't know? it's not like i did it in public.

the best dessert ever

i ate dinner at elway's last night in denver. a little business at the best quarterback ever's restaurant.

i had the "do it yourself s'mores." attached is a photo. i also attached a movie. it was the hit of the night.

that's because elway wasn't there. i know. i had a mole. i was positive one of the FOUR bentleys in the parking lot had to be his. but i was wrong.

i still have saturday night. let's keep our fingers crossed. :-)

brushing up on the old espanol

i've had two encounters with my housekeeper today (at the hotel, not the one at home.) She doesn't speak English ... well, she knows a few phrases, but not enough to communicate very well.

she knocked on the door at 8:00 am ish ... my room was void of a do not disturb sign, but i was about to leave so no biggie. i did ask her for a do not disturb sign for future use, but she didn't understand me. so i said, "no moleste" and used my fingers to draw a rectangle in the air. it worked! she handed me a sign and i was on my way.

well, apparently, she thought i didn't want service at all today ... as when i returned at 3:30 pm, my room was not made up. i really don't care, but i had a TON of trash to go ... so i called downstairs and they sent housekeeping up.

the same lady from this am showed up.

i told her, in English, that i didn't need much ... i just wanted the bed made, new towels and the trash emptied.

i got that blank look again.

so, i said, "basura, cama y toallas." and i was in business!

i am so going to work on my spanish. this was fun!

question

why are there bike holders on the front of buses?
if you're riding your bike, then you're riding your bike. where does the bus fit in?
if you're riding the bus, you aren't riding your bike, so you wouldn't need the holders.

i am officially middle-aged

i played bunko for the first time last night. i was an alternate for a group of moms whose kids go to school with sid. i have never been included because the head bunko snob only wants women with kids at mound to participate. super nice. but who did she call when one of the mom's had to stay home with a sick kid? that's right. me. although she did introduce me ALL NIGHT as julie, kristine's friend, no kids at mound. nice.

while it was fun, the game itself could not be more lame. seriously.

diet dr. pepper

why does diet dr. pepper make me burp unlike any other soda?

this is how we do breakfast in ventura ...

Breakfast Burrito
Specialty of the House
"A Delicious Combination of Scrambled Eggs, Green Chilies and Bacon. Rolled in a Flour Tortilla, Topped with Sauce, Cheese, Green Onions and Sour Cream. Served with Pot.

i can't believe i paid $212 for one night in squalor

victorian inn

487 foam street

monterey, california

DO NOT STAY THERE. THERE WERE FOREIGN PUBIC HAIRS IN THE SHOWER, TO SAY THE LEAST.

i come by it honestly

i realized tonight that i learned a lot of my "tricks" from my dad tonight ... he called me from a rascal flatts concert. he had me listen to part of a song over the cell phone ... just like i've done to so many of my closest friends and family. :-)

large marge - the whale

good-bye, buddy! :-( we will miss you!

charlotte ... our resident spiderwoman

isn't she cute?!?

name the movie

i love this license plate frame ...

john fucking tesh

joe & i are in monterey ... i have a meeting here tomorrow.

i DO NOT LIKE the hotel. actually, it's a ho-motel. some of it's a hotel, some of it's a motel. that's my first issue.

it's seriously a throw back to 1982. and it's not that clean. i want to move but joe says i'll be okay.

i'm sitting at the desk ... doing a little work, and i notice that there is a cd player on the desk and a couple of cds ... apparently for one's listening pleasure.

one is called "chopin and champagne." i think it's all instrumental, so that's not too bad.

the other is JOHN FUCKING TESH. i'm sure it's here because the album is entitled "monterey nights."

did i mention that there is a label on the front of the cd that reads, "This CD is provided as an amenity for your enjoyment during your stay. If you wish to purchase a copy, additional CDs are available through the front desk at $25.00 each."

seriously. $25?!? even if one was deaf enough to want a copy, it's only $17.98 at http://www.amazon.com/. i did add that tidbit of information to the label as a courtesy to future victims.

we were going to stay two nights, but we're definitely going home tomorrow.

perhaps the most distgusting & disturbing costume ever

this is appalling on so many levels. i'm writing a letter to target. goal - have them pulled nationwide. seriously.

rice cakes

rice cakes.

the word "cake" implies, and really downright promises, frosting. therefore, rice cakes should be renamed to "cardboard circles made of rice."

look who's in us this week

a lovely jennifer garner ... the very day i saw her in the admiral's club. i am so glad i'm not famous. it would suck to have your photo taken all of the time.

is it bad to take your blackberry to bed with you?

seriously. it's been happening. sad, huh?

wow. this would only happen in southern california

Standoff with RV driver ends

From a Times Staff Writer10:05 AM PDT, September 6, 2007

The driver of a motor home who led police on an hourlong chase through the San Fernando Valley before barricading himself inside the vehicle was taken into custody today, police said.Neither the suspect, identified as David Wayne Rosales, 42, of Northridge, nor police were hurt. The standoff ended at 9:20 a.m. when police fired tear gas into the motor home, LAPD Officer April Harding said.

Police said Rosales had a history of weapons violations and was distraught over a child custody dispute.Shortly after 3 a.m., officers said, they saw Rosales commit several traffic violations near Dronfield Avenue and Weidner Street in Lakeview Terrace. Rosales may have pointed a gun at officers, police said.

Rosales drove around the Valley for more than an hour before parking his vehicle about 4 a.m. near his wife's house on Parthenia and Oso streets in Northridge. About 8 a.m., police broke a window of his RV and handed him a phone. They fired tear gas into the vehicle when talks broke down.

question.

i've been shopping for my soon to be 4-year-old nephew.

i've noticed some unusual clothing size references ... for instance, why are chubby girls' clothes referred to as "plus sizes" or "extended sizes" and chubby boys' clothes are referred to as "husky?"

as "well-nourished" has already been taken by my allergist ... what's wrong with assigning sizes without the labels?

witnesses

kristine and i went on our morning walk this morning ... and we noticed a car with a woman about our age parked at one end of the park. she was doing a little primping, but we thought nothing of it and moved on.

until we noticed said woman making out with a guy like he was going to war on the picnic benches. OMG. seriously, they should have totally gotten a room. i almost threw up my rice krispies.

i'm pretty sure we were witness to some type of malfeasance. affair? if nothing else, it gave two busy bodies something to talk about for 10 minutes. :-)

blood

since the start of summer, i have given more than 20 vials of blood in a vain (get it?) attempt to find out why i break out in hives all of the time and my lips swell to an obscene, Angelina Jolie-likeness.

i still have no diagnosis. and i am 6 vials of blood shorter today.

need answer soon. not sure which is worse. giving blood or constantly itching like i have some form of lice lurking on my skin.

well-nourished

i saw the front of my chart at my allergist's the other day.

it had my age, race, birthdate, etc ...

then we get to the dreaded height and weight categories.

my height is described as average.

my body (aka weight) is described as well-nourished.

i suppose that's better than "chubby," but seriously, well-nourished? isnt' that kind of an oxymoron? if i was truly well-nourished, i probably wouldn't be overweight. shouldn't it be over-nourished?

nirvana

starbucks inside of a target. sheer genius.