i just can't get enough

of "nip/tuck." i started watching it a few weeks ago and i can't stop. i'm on season 4 right now ... it's delicious.

you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl

over the past week, i have scratched at least 15 lottery tickets. i got some for christmas and kept winning ... so i had to keep going back to establishments such as 7-11 and Circle K to exchange the winning tickets for new ones.

this afternoon i knew i had a problem when my scratching thumb cramped up.

maybe i should call 1-800-GAMBLER?

hey! where are you taking bob?

i've only read about this type of malfeasance. never before have i witnessed it.

"bob" was on the move in toluca lake tonight. super exciting.

merry christmas

"mom, i wish you could be santa's little helper and shut your damn cakehole!"
- matt the motivational speaker

i'm not a prude, but ...

is this really necessary? (as seen in the topanga canyon mall tonight). seriously.

proper nomenclature

sometimes there are samples in the admiral's clubs that companies donate for travelers.

the usual suspects include Airborne, Zicam ... and now DRIED PLUMS.

aren't "dried plums" also refered to as PRUNES? is the term "prune" not proper nomenclature anymore? when did this happen? i guess dried plums is a sexier name that prunes, but wow.

borderline

new nail polish color

kris kringle makes me tingle

it's on the edge of funny and absolutely sick. of course, i went for it and am planning on wearing it at christmas. i think my family will appreciate the step up from thanksgiving's almost black polish.

i am such a rebel. :-)

over the top

maybe i have "sucker" written on my forehead. or "childless." or maybe just "psycho." but the guys at tails in the city - an adorable pet boutique in downtown chicago - just knew that i couldn't turn down the adorable new puppy couture line they're carrying.

lola got two pieces from the line ... a matching cupcake collar and lead. it is super cute ... even if its price tag was over the top.

ah, poor Baby Sink! s/he will just have to deal with over the top Auntie Julie.

heartburn

i guess i am getting old.
heartburn has set in. very, very sad.

24 hours

after being on the road for 7 solid days (2 states, 2 states, 6,000 miles, stinky people on the airplane, etc.) i returned to the following:

• power had gone off at least twice during my absence. joe was home for one of the outages which was caused by a fire on an electrical pole in our neighbor's yard ... oh the drama. and might i add that he called me to report the fire at midnight chicago time? i didn't sleep for several hours worried about lola and our house. when i finally nodded off, the alarm company called my blackberry to advise that our power was out. duh. the other outage happened on the day i flew home.
• the power outages resulted in an hour of me figuring out (with joe ever so patient on the phone as he's in memphis - with a KIDNEY STONE) how to reset all of the our computers, TVs, TIVOs, routers, and clocks. okay, i know how to reset the clocks, but it still sucked up part of the hour fixing all of them.
• my dog pulled a section of her electric fence off of the wall thereby causing a breach in the beach shack security system. i got shocked about 7 times trying to fix it. it's going to stay broken until joe gets home. if she gets out i'm going to freak, but i think she's smarter than that now that she's been undoubtedly shocked several times.
• lola barfed on me two times today.

that's a lot of drama for 24 hours. i am going to bed now before anything else happens.

finally

our christmas cards are finally finished.

i have NEVER finished this late in the season before ... i'm a done around Thanksgiving kinda gal. traveling for a solid week in december has screwed me up! not to mention that our collective lists are up to over 200 cards ... OMG.

joe's out of town until sunday ... so i have three days to get a true headstart on wrapping. one more present to buy ... but that's it. i have never been this far behind. it's giving me indigestion.

me & mrs. claus

mrs. claus was on my flight from chicago to philly last night!

ratatouille?

saw my first city rat friday night. it was HUGE. like a opossum. ew!

two questions

These pictures were taken this morning in the Sofitel Hotel in Downtown Chicago.

A. Who needs a speakerphone in the bathroom? It was super fun to use, but i would rather have a TV over the tub like at the Penisula Hotel in NYC.

B. And when the decision was made to install the speakerphone, was a data port really necessary? who is going to sit on the can (man) and use the laptop? ew.

merry christmas from ventura

i got a parking ticket yesterday in downtown ventura.
bastards.
it was for "not parking in the marked stall." i was kinda over on one side, but seriously, i didn't know i lived in claremont. (i've gotten the craziest parking tickets in claremont ... i think they go around with a tape measure, but i digress.)

so, to be totally honest, i was parked a little crooked because i did made an illegal left hand turn into the space. but come on, it's CHRISTMAS!

the last ticket i got was for speeding in SANTA CLAUS, INDIANA. i'm serious. 2004. maybe christmastime isn't lucky for me. :-(

all in all, i paid $30 to park yesterday and didn't even have someone park it for me. F!

good to know

i tried clicking my heels three times yesterday to send myself home. i think that trick only works in kansas and you must be wearing red, sparkly shoes because i am still here in tex-ass. one hour to go. shoes or no shoes.

tots

"are you going to eat all of your tots?" - napoleon dynamite

terrell, texas - true story

btw, that is pronounced TER-L. nice.

so, i stopped in TER-L today to fill up my rental car and use a toilet. i chose a chevron on I-20 at the 34.

OMG.

first of all, my credit card didn't work. even though the pump advised that american express was accepted, the mean lady in the gas station store said, "no, only visa and mastercard."

fine. i have a visa.

so i filled up.

then i went inside to use the toilet. i had waited too long and was DESPERATE.

i entered the bathroom (door was open) and the mean lady ran after me yelling, "ma'am stop, ma'am stop."

i looked inside the bathroom ... there was a wooden plank with the words "out of order" scrawled on it lying across the toilet.

so i said, "oh, okay. it's out of order." and turned to leave.

to which she replied, "oh no. we are just out of toilet paper. you use napkin?"

damn straight i'm going to use the napkin. i had about peed my pants!

so i used the dirty bathroom. probably have a disease now. and when i went to through out the used napkins (didn't want to clog her toilet) i saw that there was no TRASH CAN.

some people get what they have coming. i flushed the wad of napkins.

i hate texas.

do people really eat this stuff?

almost vomited when i saw this "restaurant." it's called grandma's. it is located in forney, tx. according to my husband, who lived in tex-ass for 9 months, it is a chain. seriously disgusting.

baby sink cupcakes

kim and james made these cupcakes for turkey day in honor of baby sink's arrival.




the little "pacifers" are really lifesavers with little pieces of gummy worms poking through. they were yummy and super creative!

BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!

BABY SINK COMING MEMORIAL DAY 2008.

woohoo!

fruits of my labor

no taste tests yet.

but this is how the fruits of my labor look.

my dad advised to bring the pie and if it sucks he'll help me dispose of it.

i do not speak pie

i was so pysched to try my hand at another pecan pie this year ... it's been at least 5 years since the last disaster, so i figured i was in good shape.

WRONG. WELL, MAYBE WRONG.

i followed the instructions to a T. and it still came out ... well, really there is just a potential that it's over-cooked (last time it was under - so progress, right?) ... joe wants me to cut it here so i can avoid public humiliation tomorrow. but i say, bring it on. we can't all be little suzie fucking homemakers, can we? i am successful at my job, super fun, hilarious, fabulous (i could go on all day) ... so should i really care that i fucked up another pie? potentially fucked up, but still. it's not like i know for sure that it's good.

i'm making chocolate chip cookies as a back-up. i can so make those.

next year i am signing up for martinis. i speak martini. i think it's time to admit that i do not speak pie.

what is a Ben & Jerry's chunk spelunker?

people who tunnel through their favorite flavors to dig up the chunks.

i totally do this ... do you?

my dog is a piggie

true story.

lola walked into my office this afternoon.
sat on my foot (does it all of the time).
and then farted.
a real fart. audible. not a SBD.

wow.

dive bar

somehow i wound up at a bar in ventura last night that was super divey.

a homeless guy with one eye greeted us at the door.

some of the female patrons didn't have front teeth.

it was a rough crowd, to say the least.

and 3 beers and 3 malibu & diet cokes cost $11.50. how is that possible? ONE martini at maestro's is $17.

i was scared. but did escape with my life.

ps. i think they did lap dances on the patio.

quote

"Magnum: [condom] not just for any weenie."
- the best rep in the whole world

snapple fact #34

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

american express card

took 2.8 years, but i finally memorized my american express card number. i memorized my visa number years ago ... so now i can shop online in no time flat! and yes, i know the codes as well. :-)

happy birthday to ms. hello kitty white!

33 years old today!

creative spelling

you know you're a frequent flier when ...

the bartender at the admiral's club not only recognizes you, but has your breakfast ready by the time you saddle up to the bar. wow.

fuck india

i can assure everyone at dell fucking computers that i absolutely DO NOT want to talk to anyone from india when my fucking computer dies. i have been on this call for 20 minutes and have had to repeat myself 100 times. i so can't wait for the survey re: their service.

AND THEN ...

i found out that the bunnies GLOW IN THE DARK!!!!!!

fabulous anniversary gift!

joe got me a bunnysutra swatch watch for our anniversary. we weren't supposed to exchange gifts, but when i saw heard about this watch, i just had to have it. isn't he sweet?

the watch has been disco'd, but where there is a will there is a way!

there are six pairs of bunnies around the face, each pair is engaging in a different kama sutra position. if you tap the face, the hands spin around and land on a pair of bunnies ... and that's the position you're supposed to try! after a few seconds, the hands go back to the current time position.

it is absolutely fabulous.

winner! sexiest outfit in atlanta!

sometimes a picture is worth more than 1,000 words.

quote

"your body is a temple. you must respect it. you can't just whore it out." - angela martin the office

hail to the chief

joe and i celebrated our anniversary by going to a concert at the new nokia theater in los angeles. it's small ... only 7,000 seats (compared to over 50,000 at staples, for instance.)

we saw the dixie chicks and the eagles.

i've always loved the dixie chicks, but i love them a little bit more now that i've seen them live. "hail to the chief" played while they took the stage. subtle, but powerful. love them!

the eagles rocked ... as usual. i think this was the 3rd time i've seen the eagles and the 7th time i've seen don henley. he is so awesome. which is creepy as he's older than my dad, but there is just something about him ...

happy anniversary to joe and me ... a few days early as i have to be in atlanta for our big day. :-(

note to self

make sure airplane lavatory door is REALLY locked before hovering over toilet. it can be super embarrassing if the door flies open mid-hover.

never underestimate the power of julie

so, it came to me yesterday in a flash of red ... the bastards at work had suspended my right to text when they took over my account ... that's why a COUNTLESS number of texts have not gone through in the past couple of days.

so here's the back story. so, the company i work for has decided that we are all getting new blackberries and they will be our sole device. i'm game. one device does sound lovely. so, they're transferring my current cell number to the new blackberry (which is not yet in my possession) so i don't have to get a new number, let alone a NJ number. would would really suck, but i digress.

so, apparently, the changeover has already taken place behind the scenes ... the company for which i work is already receiving the bill and lumped me into the company plan. which apparently DOES NOT INCLUDE TEXTING.

i cannot live without texting. well, i could, if everyone in my personal AND professional lives had blackberries, treos, etc. but that is not the case. so, i need to text and it the right was STRIPPED from me. and to make it worse. i didn't know it happened until it happened. bastards.

so i did what i had to do. i called at&t and authorized texting to be put back on my account. i am a vp dammit. f the stupid tech people that took it from me ... if you really didn't want me to have it, they should have locked up the account tighter. it only took about 2 minutes for me to get it added. where there is a will, there is a way.

so, i can't wait for some bean counter to call me and yell about the $120/year i just added to their line item. seriously. $10/month. i need to text. i have EARNED the right to do so.

and now i am stepping off of my soapbox to do a little texting. :-)

attention whore

lola stole an 8" ostrich feather duster out of a box in my office and proceeded to chew it up. nice. that was so for a product comparison. if she wanted to play, couldn't she just mash her cold, wet nose into my hand like usual?

ellen and iggy

based on news of death threats and harassment filings with the pasadena police, i think Ellen can just suck it. buy the kids a new dog and next time read the contract, babe. celebrities should not be any different than us mere mortals.

famous nicknames

Within the music industry, Elton [John] is sometimes known as ‘Sharon’, a nickname originally given to him by good friend Rod Stewart. In return, Elton calls Rod ‘Phyllis.’

Love it. This is reflective of my own life. My dad calls me 'Fred' and my friend Kristine calls me 'Ralph' and 'Sir'. :-)

free iggy?

http://www.petitiononline.com/FreeIggy/petition.html

maternity & bereavement

i was pondering this question on my way home from seeing my friend Sweet and her new baby today ... who is damn cute by the way ... why do [most] companies give people 3 days paid leave for bereavement, but nothing for maternity? if one of my friends or family members gives birth, i should be entitled to 3 days of baby visiting. don't you think?

the price is oh so wrong

i never would have known today was the day for drew carey to debut on the price is right if my sister hadn't called this morning and asked me to record it for her ...

i wasn't going to watch. i really wasn't.

i watched 5 minutes. it was so bad that i turned it off.

but i knew it was there ... and i just couldn't help myself. i had to watch the train wreck.

and train wreck it was.

it was horrible. and i watched until the bitter end.

and then ...

we went through the tiffany catalog ... super fun!

an afternoon with aunt julie

i picked sid up from a field trip today ... the brownies went to the courthouse!

then we went shopping.
then we got manicures. this was sid's first manicure!
then we shopped some more.
then we watched the muppet show manamana sketch incessantly on you tube. (another first for sid)

now we're making cookies and listening to "achy breaky heart" because sid didn't believe me that "hannah montana's dad" was famous (or infamous) before the lame ass disney show.

joe is bringing us take away for dinner ... isn't he sweet? we are tired from a full afternoon of fun!

what a day.

is scorsatto synonymous with scorsese? you decide!

found this little gem today. it's from my 33rd birthday.

good advice

it is not a good idea to curl one's hair naked.
the curling iron could slip and burn one's boob.
i have it on good authority that this can be a serious situation.

i've still got it

i'm in chicago this week. staying downtown in a part of chicago that i have really come to love.

we had dinner at gino's east ... even though it's a little on the campy / dirty side, it really is the best pizza in chicago.

so, my colleagues were ready to go before i had finished my delicious whiskey sour. so, i did what any good person would do. i smuggled the drink out of the restaurant and continued to drink it during our five block walk back to the sofitel.

when i got back to the sofitel, the trouble started. the bartender busted me for bringing in an "outside drink." so i ordered a fresh drink and he took my gino's drink away. but before he completely discarded it, i got the attached picture.

i love sales meetings.

gotta go to bed. the car will be here to whisk me to o'hell airport in 7 hours. :-(

google this

hymenoplasty

OUCH!

see you next tuesday

potential open mouth insert foot situation.

for those of you who watched sex and the city, you may remember when charlotte referred to a woman as a "see you next tuesday ... aka C U Next Tuesday."

ever since that episode, i've used that phrase where appropriate ... but obviously NEVER in my professional life.

until today. well sort of. i sent out an email to the sales team with a little song in honor of our meeting in chicago next week. we're going bowling and it's a song about bowling. but i digress. the subject line read "see you next tuesday." it was supposed to be innocent, as we arrive in chicago on tuesday, but i am just hoping no one on the distribution list dips down into the gutter when they read it.

OMG - true story

i ran into petsmart today to pick up some supplies for lola.
the guy in front of me looked like he just rolled out of a trailer; he was kinda dirty, definitely trashy and about 50. my fault for going to oxnard.

anyway, the cashier rang him up and asked him if he had a petsmart rewards card. he advised that he didn't ... to which the cashier inquired as to whether or not he wanted to get one. he declined by saying, "it's okay, MY PARENTS have one." PARENTS??? do they live in the trailer with him? seriously scary.

the colorado curse

i may never drive in the state of colorado again.

i've been here for five days and have had at least 5 run-ins with walls, concrete pylones, small yellow poles, and curbs. i spent 20 minutes at a gas station scrubbing / scraping yellow paint off of the front bumper ... attached is a "before" picture. i think it is because i'm driving a HUGE grand marquis.

only two of the incidents left significant damage ... as is illustrated in the photo. i did get all of the yellow paint off, so i hope that the rental car company doesn't notice.

on a side note, the last time i was here, i was in a minor fender bender.

i think i'm going to have to stick to taxis and drivers when i come back. :-)

i think the marketing person that approved this ad should be fired

all i see here is a guy who is smelling his own crotch area. bad art decision. ball sniffing guy really skeeves me out.

is this gross?

i have super dry heels that sometimes crack.
i find it helpful to use a foot file (like a giant emery board) to rid myself of some of the drama before i apply a liberal amount of lotion.

joe almost barfed when he saw me do it a couple of weeks ago. i think it's okay. is it gross and i just don't know? it's not like i did it in public.

the best dessert ever

i ate dinner at elway's last night in denver. a little business at the best quarterback ever's restaurant.

i had the "do it yourself s'mores." attached is a photo. i also attached a movie. it was the hit of the night.

that's because elway wasn't there. i know. i had a mole. i was positive one of the FOUR bentleys in the parking lot had to be his. but i was wrong.

i still have saturday night. let's keep our fingers crossed. :-)

brushing up on the old espanol

i've had two encounters with my housekeeper today (at the hotel, not the one at home.) She doesn't speak English ... well, she knows a few phrases, but not enough to communicate very well.

she knocked on the door at 8:00 am ish ... my room was void of a do not disturb sign, but i was about to leave so no biggie. i did ask her for a do not disturb sign for future use, but she didn't understand me. so i said, "no moleste" and used my fingers to draw a rectangle in the air. it worked! she handed me a sign and i was on my way.

well, apparently, she thought i didn't want service at all today ... as when i returned at 3:30 pm, my room was not made up. i really don't care, but i had a TON of trash to go ... so i called downstairs and they sent housekeeping up.

the same lady from this am showed up.

i told her, in English, that i didn't need much ... i just wanted the bed made, new towels and the trash emptied.

i got that blank look again.

so, i said, "basura, cama y toallas." and i was in business!

i am so going to work on my spanish. this was fun!

question

why are there bike holders on the front of buses?
if you're riding your bike, then you're riding your bike. where does the bus fit in?
if you're riding the bus, you aren't riding your bike, so you wouldn't need the holders.

i am officially middle-aged

i played bunko for the first time last night. i was an alternate for a group of moms whose kids go to school with sid. i have never been included because the head bunko snob only wants women with kids at mound to participate. super nice. but who did she call when one of the mom's had to stay home with a sick kid? that's right. me. although she did introduce me ALL NIGHT as julie, kristine's friend, no kids at mound. nice.

while it was fun, the game itself could not be more lame. seriously.

diet dr. pepper

why does diet dr. pepper make me burp unlike any other soda?

this is how we do breakfast in ventura ...

Breakfast Burrito
Specialty of the House
"A Delicious Combination of Scrambled Eggs, Green Chilies and Bacon. Rolled in a Flour Tortilla, Topped with Sauce, Cheese, Green Onions and Sour Cream. Served with Pot.

i can't believe i paid $212 for one night in squalor

victorian inn

487 foam street

monterey, california

DO NOT STAY THERE. THERE WERE FOREIGN PUBIC HAIRS IN THE SHOWER, TO SAY THE LEAST.

i come by it honestly

i realized tonight that i learned a lot of my "tricks" from my dad tonight ... he called me from a rascal flatts concert. he had me listen to part of a song over the cell phone ... just like i've done to so many of my closest friends and family. :-)

large marge - the whale

good-bye, buddy! :-( we will miss you!

charlotte ... our resident spiderwoman

isn't she cute?!?

name the movie

i love this license plate frame ...

john fucking tesh

joe & i are in monterey ... i have a meeting here tomorrow.

i DO NOT LIKE the hotel. actually, it's a ho-motel. some of it's a hotel, some of it's a motel. that's my first issue.

it's seriously a throw back to 1982. and it's not that clean. i want to move but joe says i'll be okay.

i'm sitting at the desk ... doing a little work, and i notice that there is a cd player on the desk and a couple of cds ... apparently for one's listening pleasure.

one is called "chopin and champagne." i think it's all instrumental, so that's not too bad.

the other is JOHN FUCKING TESH. i'm sure it's here because the album is entitled "monterey nights."

did i mention that there is a label on the front of the cd that reads, "This CD is provided as an amenity for your enjoyment during your stay. If you wish to purchase a copy, additional CDs are available through the front desk at $25.00 each."

seriously. $25?!? even if one was deaf enough to want a copy, it's only $17.98 at http://www.amazon.com/. i did add that tidbit of information to the label as a courtesy to future victims.

we were going to stay two nights, but we're definitely going home tomorrow.

perhaps the most distgusting & disturbing costume ever

this is appalling on so many levels. i'm writing a letter to target. goal - have them pulled nationwide. seriously.

rice cakes

rice cakes.

the word "cake" implies, and really downright promises, frosting. therefore, rice cakes should be renamed to "cardboard circles made of rice."

look who's in us this week

a lovely jennifer garner ... the very day i saw her in the admiral's club. i am so glad i'm not famous. it would suck to have your photo taken all of the time.

is it bad to take your blackberry to bed with you?

seriously. it's been happening. sad, huh?

wow. this would only happen in southern california

Standoff with RV driver ends

From a Times Staff Writer10:05 AM PDT, September 6, 2007

The driver of a motor home who led police on an hourlong chase through the San Fernando Valley before barricading himself inside the vehicle was taken into custody today, police said.Neither the suspect, identified as David Wayne Rosales, 42, of Northridge, nor police were hurt. The standoff ended at 9:20 a.m. when police fired tear gas into the motor home, LAPD Officer April Harding said.

Police said Rosales had a history of weapons violations and was distraught over a child custody dispute.Shortly after 3 a.m., officers said, they saw Rosales commit several traffic violations near Dronfield Avenue and Weidner Street in Lakeview Terrace. Rosales may have pointed a gun at officers, police said.

Rosales drove around the Valley for more than an hour before parking his vehicle about 4 a.m. near his wife's house on Parthenia and Oso streets in Northridge. About 8 a.m., police broke a window of his RV and handed him a phone. They fired tear gas into the vehicle when talks broke down.

question.

i've been shopping for my soon to be 4-year-old nephew.

i've noticed some unusual clothing size references ... for instance, why are chubby girls' clothes referred to as "plus sizes" or "extended sizes" and chubby boys' clothes are referred to as "husky?"

as "well-nourished" has already been taken by my allergist ... what's wrong with assigning sizes without the labels?

witnesses

kristine and i went on our morning walk this morning ... and we noticed a car with a woman about our age parked at one end of the park. she was doing a little primping, but we thought nothing of it and moved on.

until we noticed said woman making out with a guy like he was going to war on the picnic benches. OMG. seriously, they should have totally gotten a room. i almost threw up my rice krispies.

i'm pretty sure we were witness to some type of malfeasance. affair? if nothing else, it gave two busy bodies something to talk about for 10 minutes. :-)

blood

since the start of summer, i have given more than 20 vials of blood in a vain (get it?) attempt to find out why i break out in hives all of the time and my lips swell to an obscene, Angelina Jolie-likeness.

i still have no diagnosis. and i am 6 vials of blood shorter today.

need answer soon. not sure which is worse. giving blood or constantly itching like i have some form of lice lurking on my skin.

well-nourished

i saw the front of my chart at my allergist's the other day.

it had my age, race, birthdate, etc ...

then we get to the dreaded height and weight categories.

my height is described as average.

my body (aka weight) is described as well-nourished.

i suppose that's better than "chubby," but seriously, well-nourished? isnt' that kind of an oxymoron? if i was truly well-nourished, i probably wouldn't be overweight. shouldn't it be over-nourished?

nirvana

starbucks inside of a target. sheer genius.

we all scream for ice cream

i want to buy an ice cream truck.
my husband has requested a business plan.

first, i have to find a reasonably priced truck. found a couple on eBay tonight ... they're about 3x what i was expecting.

but i won't let the dream die. i'm getting an ice cream truck. it just might take a little while.

super hot cowboy hat

this hat sat in front of me on the plane today. didn't get a chance for a good photo until we were deplaning. super hot. i was extra impressed with the use of cocktail swords that probably held fruit before they were appropriated to hat decor. :-)

focus, julie, focus

i am in the lovely state of texas as i had a meeting with AAFES this morning. (army air force exchange services) i've been there before...i know it's on a base and it's serious business. MPs are all over the place with big guns, etc. but this morning, as usual, i was running late (that really wasn't my fault ... marriott sucks ass) and i was on the phone.

i was still on the phone when i arrived. i wasn't ready to check in with the head MP ... so i pulled over to finish my conversation. during my converstation, my rep pulled up in front of me and checked in. apparently, the MPs were just about to come over and question what the hell i was doing parked on the base without checking in. apparently, that behavior raises some red flags. mike vouched for me and we checked in.

when i got to the actual entrance, the MPs asked if i'd been there before (i was back on the phone by now) ... i advised that i had and they told me to have a nice day. well, i had never gone in THAT entrance and apparently i was driving in places that i wasn't supposed to be driving and that kinda upset them. one of the MPs cut me off on foot and sternly told me where i was going to go. he had a really big gun so i was as demure as possible ... but seriously, i was driving a hyundai that had been searched. why must we sound the alarms?

i could never be involved with the military on a daily basis. too many rules.

3:30 in the morning

my phone started ringing this morning at 3:30 am CST. none of my customers or the home office would be up at that time ... so I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep.

it wouldn't stop. so against my better judgment, i answered.

"this is american airlines. flight XXXX leaving on august 29th has been cancelled. we have re-booked you on flight XXXY at 2:10 pm. you have been assigned seat 24E."

two hours delayed ... no biggie ... but a MIDDLE seat. seriously, that just doesn't fly with me. no pun intended. :-)

so i got the platinum desk on the phone ASAP. expressed my thanks for being rebooked, but begged for a better seat. sitting on a wing would have been better than sitting in the middle!

status has it's advantages. she got me an exit row aisle. in coach, you can't beat that.

by 4 am, i was all set. but i never fell back asleep. perhaps it's because the smell of texas doesn't agree with me?

i wish i looked that good without make up

i saw jennifer garner in the admiral's club today.
even with no make up and her hair tied back in a ponytail, she was absolutely adorable.

my poor little cell phone

first she was lost in las vegas.
now she's wet.

she was in my pocket and got wet when i de-boated today during a trip to pyramid lake. :-(

i think she'll be okay. she worked for a little while. then the SIM card went a little crazy. then i let her dry and she worked again.

she's currently air drying a little more in pieces in my office. sad. oh, so sad.

i hate being wrong

i really thought that the nosy neighbor on bewitched was named edna kravitz.

turns out that my husband is correct. her name was GLADYS KRAVITZ. (double checked on www.imdb.com) wow. i've been using an inaccurate pop culture reference for YEARS. i guess i too can be wrong.

how to know when you need a vacation

i showed up this morning to walk with my friend, kristine, and i had no shoes on. i had socks, but no shoes. i need a break.

my new favorite show

rick and steve: the happiest gay couple in all the world

www.happiestgaycouple.com

this is the best show in a LONG time. i just heart it! i highly recommend it. :-)

ps. mom - think of this as wayne's world. you probably won't care for it. :-(

day 2

still not healthy enough for a pedicure. pardon the ass paint job.

joe had to operate on my toe last night and let the blood out. it was HUGE. i was too beat to get out of bed and get the camera ... so let your imagination run wild.

i may just be the most clumsy girl in the world.

SUPER F

as if the last few days haven't been challenging enough, i tripped over one of lola's ubiquitous bones today and smashed my little toe into a bedroom door.

i really don't think i've ever had that much pain, that fast, that lasted that long. i must have yelled fuck a million times. and then burst into tears because the pain wouldn't subside.

it's been 5 hours. this is what my toe looks like now. not good. joe wants to pop the blood blister situation. i won't let him. although, i might break. it's still throbbing pretty hard. SUPER F.

ps. been a long week in dry, desert like weather. hence the sad state of my pedicure. (the chip happened in the accident). this will be handled tomorrow. they could only get me in for a massage today. i almost feel human again.

i would totally learn how to bbq if i had one of these ...

a vendor had one of these adorable grills at the show last week in vegas (she even has nipples) ... and he offered to sell her to me for cost ... $700 ... if i could get her home. i could only imagine joe's face if i'd showed up with a u-haul and a pink pig grill.

this vendor is going to be at both of my upcoming tradeshows ... one is in atlanta (too far to drive) and one is in denver. denver may be an option. :-)

i could have lost my head if it wasn't attached

i couldn't hang on to anything this week ... i guess 9 days in 105+ heat will do that to you!

i lost my cell phone on wednesday ... the following is an excerpt from a press released previously published outside of this blog.

"true story.

i didn't know where i lost my phone on wednesday night. and it was GONE before i started drinking. i knew i had it at the hotel ... and the last phone call went out at 4:17 pm. the only place it could have been was the restaurant, the taxi or the street. when the restaurant advised that they didn't have it, i wrote it off ... a stranger who found it on the street wouldn't be able to get it back to me, even if they tried.

so, i called it several times on wednesday night, hoping someone would pick it up. joe tried too. nothing. just voicemail.

yesterday morning, i tried again. and lupe, from las vegas western cab lost and found answered my phone! someone had turned it in! so i went down this morning and got her back! WOOHOO! i will so back up my sim card when i get home. i wasn't concerned about having to buy another phone, i just didn't want to have to enter in all of my information manually. not mention that i would have lost all of my cool graphics and tones! so, call me on my cell again ..."

on a side note ... when i got to the taxi company lost and found, a guy in the front inquired as to whether i was there to pick up my check ... seriously.

so if that wasn't bad enough, i lost my AMEX last night in downtown vegas. turns out, i left it in a bar at the golden nugget. however, it was in the SAFE by the time i got there and security had to retrieve it for me. i am so glad that i got to fill out two evidence-type forms yesterday and leave copies of my driver's license all over vegas.

i need to get back home. 9 days here was way too long ...

almost got my ass kicked

looked up yesterday at the tradeshow and immediately locked eyes with one of the tradeshow maintenance crew. i smiled.

she said, "what you laughing at?" her tone was frightening.

i looked away before she could kick my ass. she was a bit rough. i could have been hurt for being nice! so sad.

red licorice flavor

i broke down and had a tub of red vines in my booth at the show. granted, they probably became "pee pee red vines" 5 minutes after opening them as you never know how many people have washed their hands, but i digress.

a psycho vendor came over and exclaimed she just LOVES licorice and could she please have some. i advised she could.

she asked me if the licorice was strawberry or cherry flavored ... to which i replied, "it's red licorice flavor." she told me there wasn't such a thing.

i explained to this woman that red vines are red licorice flavor ... TWIZZLERS come in either strawberry or cherry. she told me i was wrong. i told her that it's a coast thing ... red wines are west coast and twizzlers are east coast.

she still didn't believe me.

so i advised that she should trust the chubby people. we know candy. (she was a twig and skinny people can't be expected to know the ins and outs of candy.)

she gave me a perplexed look and left. :-)

how dumb are the toy manufacturers?

another lead paint recall in about a week's time. who the hell is in charge here? among the affected ... barbie and tanner ... apparently tanner's poop is toxic. well, duh. what poop isn't toxic?

another day at LAX

i took a town car to LAX today.

i wish i could do this for every trip ... the sky caps are ALL OVER YOU when you get out of a town car. i was in the security line 3 minutes after the car stopped at the curb. of course i left my sunglasses on until i went through the metal detector to play into the mystery of my identity.

on a side note ... celebrity sighting. Fred Willard. I heart him. He is fabulous in the Christopher Guest moves ... my favorite being Best in Show.

blackout curtains

joe put up blackout curtains in our bedroom about a month ago.

we had no idea that they'd work so well. i overslept the first morning ... getting up at 10 am rather than 7!

after a month long struggle, we've resorted to tying one side back each night. otherwise, we may never make it to work on time again.

if you're having trouble sleeping ... they work like a charm!

elvis pez

gotta love that there are now elvis pez!

i picked a set up at vons ... i had no idea they're limited edition and already out of stock on http://pezco.securesites.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=91_153&osCsid=76f83942c01f959abe96cfa835ba0230.

i'm glad i have one ... even though joe and i found at least 200 pez in the garage today during our quarterly cleaning. they are safely stored away, however, i am donating the 150 beanie babies to the ventura county foster care program, so at least that's something.

funnel cake

i had funnel cake at the fair last night for the first time. i don't see what all of the excitement is about. it was gross. :-( i should have stuck to hot dog on a stick! :-)

the vest

i just don't understand the vest.

why not wear a jacket? or a sweatshirt? what good is the vest if no sleeves are available? i just don't get it.

drew loving pedophiles?

k & i took sid to see nancy drew this afternoon.
have to admit that i was a little creeped out by the 3 SINGLE OVER 50 YEAR OLD MEN who were in the theater with us.

these men were not sitting together ... they were sitting alone. and i couldn't see their hands.

seriously. do you think they were pedophiles? ew.

say hello to our little friend

super vile. it's possum season at the beach shack. that's right, that little beast is on MY WALL. i just hope lola doesn't kill one while joe is in london. i think we'd have to stay in a hotel until he got back ... or call the gardener ... or my dad ... or rick? i am so not cleaning up possum blood. i've done it once and that was way enough.

venice & sepulveda kwik e mart - on the inside

kwik e mart - venice blvd. & sepulveda - july 9th!

i made it to the kwik e mart on monday the 9th. it was about 11:45 pm when i got there and there was still a LINE to get it. so i stayed in the car and got some photos. (Ash - that neighborhood is super scary after dark!) ps. the guys in the first picture remind me of the guys in say anything that do the lloyd dobler rap!

how to locate a kwik e mart

little envy here.

my cousin, Ashley, visited a "kwik e mart" yesterday. it sounds really cool. she even bought buzz cola!

if you're interested in visiting one in your area ... http://www.7-eleven.com/kem.asp

i hope to go to the one in los angeles tomorrow. :-)

celebrity sighting at LAX

beverly d'angelo was lost inside of the lax admiral's club today.

seriously.

she asked the front desk 2 times while i was standing in line for an upgrade how to exit the club.

curious. didn't she enter the club? it's the same way out as in. but i still heart her for her roles in the vacation movies and entourage. http://imdb.com/name/nm0000350/