11.29.2007
good to know
i tried clicking my heels three times yesterday to send myself home. i think that trick only works in kansas and you must be wearing red, sparkly shoes because i am still here in tex-ass. one hour to go. shoes or no shoes.
terrell, texas - true story
btw, that is pronounced TER-L. nice.
so, i stopped in TER-L today to fill up my rental car and use a toilet. i chose a chevron on I-20 at the 34.
OMG.
first of all, my credit card didn't work. even though the pump advised that american express was accepted, the mean lady in the gas station store said, "no, only visa and mastercard."
fine. i have a visa.
so i filled up.
then i went inside to use the toilet. i had waited too long and was DESPERATE.
i entered the bathroom (door was open) and the mean lady ran after me yelling, "ma'am stop, ma'am stop."
i looked inside the bathroom ... there was a wooden plank with the words "out of order" scrawled on it lying across the toilet.
so i said, "oh, okay. it's out of order." and turned to leave.
to which she replied, "oh no. we are just out of toilet paper. you use napkin?"
damn straight i'm going to use the napkin. i had about peed my pants!
so i used the dirty bathroom. probably have a disease now. and when i went to through out the used napkins (didn't want to clog her toilet) i saw that there was no TRASH CAN.
some people get what they have coming. i flushed the wad of napkins.
i hate texas.
so, i stopped in TER-L today to fill up my rental car and use a toilet. i chose a chevron on I-20 at the 34.
OMG.
first of all, my credit card didn't work. even though the pump advised that american express was accepted, the mean lady in the gas station store said, "no, only visa and mastercard."
fine. i have a visa.
so i filled up.
then i went inside to use the toilet. i had waited too long and was DESPERATE.
i entered the bathroom (door was open) and the mean lady ran after me yelling, "ma'am stop, ma'am stop."
i looked inside the bathroom ... there was a wooden plank with the words "out of order" scrawled on it lying across the toilet.
so i said, "oh, okay. it's out of order." and turned to leave.
to which she replied, "oh no. we are just out of toilet paper. you use napkin?"
damn straight i'm going to use the napkin. i had about peed my pants!
so i used the dirty bathroom. probably have a disease now. and when i went to through out the used napkins (didn't want to clog her toilet) i saw that there was no TRASH CAN.
some people get what they have coming. i flushed the wad of napkins.
i hate texas.
11.28.2007
do people really eat this stuff?
almost vomited when i saw this "restaurant." it's called grandma's. it is located in forney, tx. according to my husband, who lived in tex-ass for 9 months, it is a chain. seriously disgusting.
11.26.2007
baby sink cupcakes
kim and james made these cupcakes for turkey day in honor of baby sink's arrival.the little "pacifers" are really lifesavers with little pieces of gummy worms poking through. they were yummy and super creative!
11.22.2007
11.21.2007
fruits of my labor
no taste tests yet.
but this is how the fruits of my labor look.
my dad advised to bring the pie and if it sucks he'll help me dispose of it.
i do not speak pie
i was so pysched to try my hand at another pecan pie this year ... it's been at least 5 years since the last disaster, so i figured i was in good shape.
WRONG. WELL, MAYBE WRONG.
i followed the instructions to a T. and it still came out ... well, really there is just a potential that it's over-cooked (last time it was under - so progress, right?) ... joe wants me to cut it here so i can avoid public humiliation tomorrow. but i say, bring it on. we can't all be little suzie fucking homemakers, can we? i am successful at my job, super fun, hilarious, fabulous (i could go on all day) ... so should i really care that i fucked up another pie? potentially fucked up, but still. it's not like i know for sure that it's good.
i'm making chocolate chip cookies as a back-up. i can so make those.
next year i am signing up for martinis. i speak martini. i think it's time to admit that i do not speak pie.
WRONG. WELL, MAYBE WRONG.
i followed the instructions to a T. and it still came out ... well, really there is just a potential that it's over-cooked (last time it was under - so progress, right?) ... joe wants me to cut it here so i can avoid public humiliation tomorrow. but i say, bring it on. we can't all be little suzie fucking homemakers, can we? i am successful at my job, super fun, hilarious, fabulous (i could go on all day) ... so should i really care that i fucked up another pie? potentially fucked up, but still. it's not like i know for sure that it's good.
i'm making chocolate chip cookies as a back-up. i can so make those.
next year i am signing up for martinis. i speak martini. i think it's time to admit that i do not speak pie.
11.20.2007
what is a Ben & Jerry's chunk spelunker?
people who tunnel through their favorite flavors to dig up the chunks.
i totally do this ... do you?
i totally do this ... do you?
11.18.2007
my dog is a piggie
true story.
lola walked into my office this afternoon.
sat on my foot (does it all of the time).
and then farted.
a real fart. audible. not a SBD.
wow.
lola walked into my office this afternoon.
sat on my foot (does it all of the time).
and then farted.
a real fart. audible. not a SBD.
wow.
dive bar
somehow i wound up at a bar in ventura last night that was super divey.
a homeless guy with one eye greeted us at the door.
some of the female patrons didn't have front teeth.
it was a rough crowd, to say the least.
and 3 beers and 3 malibu & diet cokes cost $11.50. how is that possible? ONE martini at maestro's is $17.
i was scared. but did escape with my life.
ps. i think they did lap dances on the patio.
a homeless guy with one eye greeted us at the door.
some of the female patrons didn't have front teeth.
it was a rough crowd, to say the least.
and 3 beers and 3 malibu & diet cokes cost $11.50. how is that possible? ONE martini at maestro's is $17.
i was scared. but did escape with my life.
ps. i think they did lap dances on the patio.
11.16.2007
11.15.2007
11.12.2007
american express card
took 2.8 years, but i finally memorized my american express card number. i memorized my visa number years ago ... so now i can shop online in no time flat! and yes, i know the codes as well. :-)
11.10.2007
11.06.2007
you know you're a frequent flier when ...
the bartender at the admiral's club not only recognizes you, but has your breakfast ready by the time you saddle up to the bar. wow.
11.05.2007
fuck india
i can assure everyone at dell fucking computers that i absolutely DO NOT want to talk to anyone from india when my fucking computer dies. i have been on this call for 20 minutes and have had to repeat myself 100 times. i so can't wait for the survey re: their service.
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