fabulous birthday card!

i totally heart this birthday card! happy birthday to me! (in 2 days).

giant underpants

i have the episode with the giant underpants!!!!!!!!! i was positive that i watched the pee wee's playhouse boxed set from start to finish, but i must have missed the utmost important episode.

now ... if i just had pee wee's big adventure my birthday would be classified as a success. :-)

what i want most for my birthday

a. pee wee's big adventure DVD. this would be a replacement for the one that was either stolen (like poor pee wee's bike) or hidden by my husband. it is cheaper to get a new DVD than to fly to san antonio and see if my DVD wound up in the basement of the alamo.
b. episode 17 from pee wee's playhouse. this is the episode with the giant underpants.

these items are of course in addition to a red 911 carrera and a personal chef / trainer.

birthday celebration - part 1

tonight was birthday celebration #1. i absolutely LOVE my birthday ... it's totally my favorite holiday of the year!

it's hard to believe that i'm going to be 33 ... the years just seem to fly by! the scary part is that i remember when my parents were in their 30s. that's when i feel old. okay, and the fact that they're starting to remake movies from the 80s. that really sucker punches me. and really, do we need "new" versions of adventures in babysitting, summer school, and back to school? they weren't all that great the first time around. someone out there must have a truly NEW idea for a movie ...

neighborhood barking weasel

why does my neighbor feel that it is acceptable for his mutt to bark constantly while its awake? and why does mr. neighbor thinks it's okay to LIE to me about the noise being emitted by said mutt? i saw the dog barking this morning ... with my own two eyes. of course, i had to do a little spying, but it is what it is.

this aggression will not stand.

even lola is tired of the barking. she looks at the wall behind which lives the barking mutt and sighs.

how kind of marriott!

bonus! if i want to re-create the homey atmosphere of a marriott hotel room at home, i now have the tools to do so!

marriott has made their bedding, pillows, duvet/comforter, featherbed, BED, sheets, bed scarves, shower curtain rod, shower curtain & rings, LAMP, chaise lounge and ARTWORK available for the consumer to PURCHASE.

i would like to meet the people that take marriott up on this most generous offer.

question.

if your child eats a banana while shopping in the grocery store ... how is the store supposed to charge you for it? weigh the peel? are people really this stupid?

tiny bubbles?

did i spy Don Ho today in the los angeles airport? i tried to keep up with him, but alas, he was lost in the crowd. all i have now is the guy in the corner of the lounge who is snorting like special ed. super nice.

cupcake land

i'm over the hump. a delicious batch of cupcakes has been created.

i'm back. does this make me domestic?

shopping carts are not a storage receptacle for your front yard!

note to my white trash neighbors:

the use of shopping carts is a privilege. here in america, we don't even have to pay for their use! yet you have completely abused the system. shopping carts are available for use in retail outlets and for toting bags to your mode of transportation. they are not a storage receptacle for your front yard.

do not mess with me. you will not win. the manager of the 99 cent store was all too happy to record your address and send someone to pick up their shopping cart. and i dare you. bring home another cart. guess who is on a first name basis with all of the store managers in our area. that's right. me. you have been advised.

sincerely,
your fabulous neighbor

no more of my famous cupcakes?

it's no secret that i can't cook ... the one thing i did have going for me is that i can mix a mean drink and am a good baker.

but now i've lost my baking edge.

it all started when my husband advised that peanut oil can be used the same as veggie oil. WRONG. those were the most disgusting cupcakes ever.

then the bunny cake i made for easter had a fissure and the candy i used to decorate the cake turned colors because the cake was refrigerated. nice, ghetto touch.

the cupcakes i made on tuesday were too soft and crumbly.

what is happening???

is this the end of my famous (okay, infamous) cupcakes? am i going to have to bring store-bought baked items to all future functions? am i going to have to hire a chef? ooohhh... now there's a thought ... a chef that could double as my driver ... that would be perfect!

decorum

the following is an out-of-office email I received from someone at work today.

"Gone home sick today 4/20/06. I will be checking my laptop and Blackberry for important emails.
thank you
[name withheld]"

a. too much information re: sick. you don't own us an explanation because your lunch didn't agree with you.
b. what rates an "important" email? aren't all emails important? what if a customer got this response ... how would s/he feel? especially if no response comes?

i often wonder if decorum has gone by the way of chivalry.

blacklisted at target?

i needed to return some shoes at target today ... thought i had the receipt, but couldn't find it. the clerk did a recepit look up ... but that didn't work.

she advised that i could do a no receipt return ... apparently each customer gets two per year and they keep track on a LIST. scary.

thank goodness i located the receipt prior to leaving the building and am not on "the list" ... for now.

lola's new bling

she is so totally my dog ...

a wise manicurist once said ...

mix olive or sesame oil with sugar or salt to make an exfoliating scrub for your hands! the oil will help eliminate dry, crusty cuticles and the salt / sugar will rub away old skin particles!

easy and inexpensive!

NOTE TO SELF!

always remember to remove one's enormous box cutter from the boss's briefcase after a headquarter call.

otherwise, said boss could get stopped by TSA at an airport for trying to board an airplane with a weapon. this could end badly for all involved.

hindsight is 20/20.

taco trucks

i saw two taco trucks today.

got it.

they're like "roach coaches" only with tacos.

the two i saw were a little skeevy. one was in the parking lot of a home depot in commerce, ca and the other was on the side of the road, also in commerce.

i love america. tacos for all.

bumper sticker

as seen in ventura today. very profound.

GWB is a WMD

origin of the name "inland empire"

fascinating.

"Inland Empire
'Inland Empire' is an informal name for any highly productive farming area some distance inland from the west coast, for example:
The Imperial Valley area of extreme southern California.
The area around the city of Ontario in southern California (between Los Angeles and San Bernardino).
The eastern part of Washington State."

4 hours, 266 miles, 1 blue taurus, 1 bathroom break and 1 run from the law

i wish i never had to travel to houston again. i don't mess with texas (much), why does it continue to mess with me?

this is the second time in 18 days that i have been monumentally delayed trying to get out! i have no trouble getting to texas, but it's like the state likes me so much that it can't bear to let me go. :-)

last night i opted to give up my seat on the houston to dallas leg and drive to DFW. chance of me actually making it home last night was slim to none due to the weather in texas, so i figured i was due for another texas adventure. by the way, when is there not weather in texas? so, 4 hours, 266 miles, 1 blue taurus (what is it with blue cars on this trip?), 1 bathroom break and 1 run from the law i made to to a hotel by the airport where i enjoyed 4.5 hours of sleep. :-(

in exchange for my seat on the HOU - DFW flight last night, American put me on the first flight out this morning and upgraded me to first class. THANK GOODNESS as 30 minutes from departure i learned that the flight is sold out and there are 22 passengers on the stand-by list. and lucky me, there are a zillion kid and one LAFD search dog. (he was a lovely dog).

i'm trading air travel for driving in los angeles next week. it is a real toss-up as to which trip will be more drama. :-)

side note: did you know that there is a texas county prison museum in texas? who the hell would what to take that tour? i retract that question ... texas is a red state after all!