summer travel

summer is here and the clueless are flying.

it's one thing to hold up a security line because you're juggling items; trying to take off your shoes while digging out the video camera, etc., but it is QUITE ANOTHER to stand there asking your traveling partner, "it says passengers should take off their shoes, should i take off mine? they're sandals ... are they really shoes?" and then to the tsa agent, "i see that i should remove my laptop and video camera from my bags and put in a separate tray, does that mean disposable cameras? how about the digital camera? what about my hair dryer?" i shit you not.

THE SIGNS ARE THERE TO GIVE YOU INFORMATION.
THERE ARE NO IMPLIED OR DOUBLE SECRET DIRECTIONS EMBEDDED IN THE SIGN VERBAGE.

SHOES MEAN WHAT'S ON YOUR FEET DEFINING THEM AS "NOT BAREFOOT" AND A VIDEO CAMERA TAKES MOVIES; NOT STILLS.

I HATE SUMMER TRAVEL.

one more reason to hate texas

i had to pay a "pass through" fee for the supreme privilege of driving from the north end of DFW to the south end to return my rental car.

shouldn't texas be paying me for having to be within it's stinky state borders for 2 days?

who knew?

i've been using and loving grenadine for years. (thanks, grandma). i always thought it was sweetened cherry juice ... probably because we would put maraschino cherries in soda with grenadine ...

well, that bubble was burst today when i found out that there are no cherry parts in grenadine. it's typically pomegranate juice and honey. i also learned that "rose's" is owned by cadbury ... who know owns jenny craig.

the world is disturbing and small.

weird

while driving through east texas today, i saw a farm alongside of i-20 that had several camels and one zebra.

rednecks i expect. exotic animals i do not.

ps. texas sucks ass.

look out world!

my first golf lesson is saturday. look out tiger!

it's been a whole year!

Lola has lived with us for a year ... and somehow we've managed to find her everytime she ran away! The good news is that the running away has dissipated and she now views the Beach Shack as her home.

Lola celebrated her year of living at the Beach Shack with a day at the doggie spa. Isn't she lovely? Her new nickname is Red.

well spent friday afternoon

smuggling alcohol into a matinee on a friday afternoon can be very therapeutic. for two hours, i forgot my stressful job and my only worry was not getting caught making rum and cokes in row 6 of the movie theater. smart move putting the apple martinis in a snapple bottle.

i think i need to let go more ... relax a little ... relive a little of my youth. the gay bar was a nice touch ... if they took credit cards we'd still be there.

jsw

still in its infancy ...

Announcing my new photo blog!

http://tiara73.blogspot.com

Please be patient ... i have A LOT of work to do to get it up to speed ...

Cheers!

note to self

get to work on new photo blog. need somewhere to display the pictures i take "in the field." continue to impact the world with my very existence. the world needs more jaws.

video camera

this guy has been sitting outside of my house, in a silver low-rent coupe, for the better part of an hour. he's a little creepy. he's been reading, eating and drinking. i know this because my husband didn't skimp on the video camera he bought for my birthday. it has a really good zoom. of course, some of his stay in front of the beach shack has been documented.

he finally left and i'm on the phone to the police advising that he's left and there's no need to investigate.

it's wake up time

scripps alumna office has been calling me, on a semi-regular basis, for YEARS.
i haven't taken one of their calls in a very long time. and i think the last time i spoke to them i advised them to put me on their deceased list.
when they call "do not answer ever" flashes on my phone's screen.

when will they wake up and realize i will never take their calls?

oxymoron

does anyone else find it strange that nestle sa is buying jenny craig for $600M?
it's about as bizarre as when the parent company of slim fast bought ben & jerry's.

unless they view it as job security ...

paris, london or rome?

as i work in my home office ... have a blackberry and a laptop ... would anyone miss me if i went to europe for a few days?

over the top?

is putting in an in-ground dog poop disposal system in the backyard over the top?
www.doggiedooley.com

unbefuckinglievable

from an email i received today from one of my reps. the content was not edited. he lives in the red state of texas.

"they will just give them time to "Git 'er Done" as Larry the Cable guy says.

Doug"

i did not respond.

you might want to start a therapy fund for your child ...

this photo was taken at a kindergarten graduation today.

they're six; they notice these things. you probably don't want your kid thinking his / her mom is a hooker.

and no one wants to see your butt crack in the middle of "the itsy bitsy spider." no one.

drop everything, we're going to wal*mart

i'm pretty sure my new allergy medicine is going to my head.

my sister called tonight to advise that wal*mart has hello kitty sandwich baggies.

rather than remember why i hate wal*mart, joe and i hopped in the car and started on our quest.

oh my. it was packed ... but we pushed on.

when we couldn't find the baggies, i even asked three wal*mart employees if they knew where to find them.

despite our efforts, the trip was a bust. no baggies were secured.

good luck to my sister and her friend kim who are up next.

teddy grahams

is it really a bad thing that i throw teddy grahams (or small dog treats) over the wall to quiet my neighbor's dogs? i think it's smart. they get treats and i get silence.

joe thinks i've stepped over the line.

i just want a little peace and quiet and the teddy grahams do taste like ass.

nostaglia snuffed

remember jell-o pudding pops? they were popular in the 80s. remember bill cosby's commericials for them? pudding pops were one of my favorite desserts in the cafeteria when i was in elementary school.

so, imagine my excitement when i learned they were back. i rushed right out and got a box. since joe and i are on a 100% popsicles for dessert plan, i knew right where to find them.

all was well until i opened them. f popsicle. they changed the shape of the pop to match the rest of their dumb popsicles. sounds like they were too cheap to bring back the old mold. may sound crazy, but they just don't taste the same anymore. thank goodness lola likes the vanilla ones.

what's next? changing the smell of play doh?

gift wrap room

i have two sets of gifts to wrap today.

one for a birthday, one for a graduation.

i am dreading dragging out the gift wrap box, the ribbon box, and the extra box box, only to have to drag them back after i'm finished.

i need a gift wrap room. all wrapping, all the time.

gasoline

catchy

saw this on a magnet today ...

"no one died when clinton lied."

love it.

also love "after we rebuild iraq, can we rebuild our schools?" makes me wonder when people will stop voting republican.

new white chocolate m&m's

be warned the new m&m "pearls" taste like ass.

laundry

i had to do a load of laundry when i got to boston tonight. it was that hot in memphis. i couldn't handle the dirty clothes in my suitcase.

so ... the hotel is nice enough to provide two washing machines and dryers ... and complimentary soap & bounce. but it's $1.50 / load or dry.

i forgot how much it sucks to use public machines to do laundry. i can't stop thinking about what was in them before i got there ... not to mention how exposed i feel with my laundry washing and drying in public.

yuck.

major suitcase drama

the suitcase weighs 59 lbs. my guess that on the outbound flight it was closer to 65.
i was charged today for the "overweight" bag ... and it was tagged "heavy."

despite my compliance with their posted baggage weight rules, they broke the handle on my favorite suitcase. bastards.

i'm saving the "heavy" tag. i think it could have many uses.

maybe i shouldn't have packed the free weights ...

how to know if your suitcase is too heavy ...

if the suitcase holder in the hotel room crashes to its untimely demise under the weight of your suitcase, there is too much stuff in the suitcase. it's as simple as that.

i hope the peabody memphis is understanding of the situation.

photo documentation of the damage is now included in this post.

diamond in the rough

how is it possible that the best margaritas i've had since senior year in college were served in the admiral's club at gate c19 in dallas? this guy is wasting his talent.

i must figure out his recipe ... it's all about the ratios ... triple sec, sweetened lime juice, sweet & sour mixer and tequila.

i've sucked down two and am praying for a non-turbulent flight. here's to no puking in first class. ... this could get ugly. i don't think i've eaten anything today ...

airplane bathrooms

do airplane bathrooms remind anyone else of an outhouse with running water? i've flown more times than i care to count and that hit me like a ton of bricks when i was using one today.

sweet - how on earth did you change mimi's diaper in that closet?!?

flying is anything less than glamorous.

airport security

note to self: take off big silver necklace and HUGE metal watch when going through the metal detector. if this is forgotten, prepare to be fondled by a female tsa agent ... and she's not gonna buy me dinner first.

camry danger

i remember fondly the days when just camrys were the cause of freeway strife. i now long for those days. while the camrys are still out there in full force, one must now look out for the corolla (camry-in-training), as well as the avalon and lexus sedan (camry for rich folks). the addition of these models to the danger, danger list makes driving more frustrating and puts more of us regular drivers at risk.

on a side note, the camry phenonmenon is not limited to southern california. i have witnessed it in the 46 american states in which i've driven.

don't be part of the problem ... just say no to camrys, corollas, avalons, and lexus sedans.

just because your diamond is bigger than mine ...

just because you have a 10 carat diamond ring and a size 00 ass doesn't mean you can pony up your meager $20 to the skycap to cut in line.

thank goodness that i chose to be the spokesperson for the line of patrons patiently waiting. i too have a first class ticket ... please step to the back of the line.

sharpie saga

shocking as it may be, there was only one slim turquoise sharpie in that entire heap of sharpies ... and it's about to die. so, i had to buy two replacements today. it's one of my favorite colors.

to make up for the increase, i am donating a portion of the original sharpies to my mom's classroom. :-)

i think i'm on the road to recovery. i didn't buy one office supply-type item last night at barnes and noble ... it was really hard, but i resisted.

automatic flushing toilets

i'm sure some psycho germaphobe invented the automatic flushing toilet. sure, it seemed like a great idea ... you use the toilet and when you stand up, it flushes for you. keeping people's paws and hooves free from germs.

flushing when, and only when, one stands up seems to be an issue. today, at the sacramento airport, a toilet flushed a record 7 times while i sat there. i wasn't even down for the count for very long. nice. how much water was wasted during my toilet use? how about the paper i wasted drying off of my ass?

so really, are these toilets worth the waste and wet asses? is it really that cumbersome to hike your foot up there to flush the toilet (how germy do you think your shoes are?) or if you can't do that ... use your paw ... it's gonna get washed anyway.