coolest business card ever!

picked up this little gem at a recent tradeshow. heart it.

interesting ...

so it seems that bearkat9 and Malibu Tim have a little something going on ... the emails are flowing freely between the two ... um, i wonder what is the dealio?

bumper sticker and tee shirt

saw a fabulous tee shirt and a bumper sticker today ...

"I PUT THE FUN IN FUNERAL" (tee)

"YES, YOU ARE AS DUMB AS YOU LOOK" (bumper sticker)

love it!

toilet etiquette

how well do you need to know someone before you use the toilet while talking to them on the phone? do you flush during the call, or wait until later?

i think that it's okay for close friends and family ... but Malibu Tim does not.

feedback?

wow. i get my nails done that much???

as i'm home for 5 whole days, i figured i should get a manicure and a pedicure before i go back out. so i called for an appointment.

not only did the owner know my voice, she asked if my husband would like to join me this afternoon. oh my hell. i had NO idea i was in there that much, let alone Joe!

i do appreciate being called by name, but hell, the gate agents don't even know my name!

tired, part 2

it is not okay to tell someone they look tired. even if it may be true. period.

note to parents with small children traveling on planes

no matter what the circumstances, it is NEVER okay for your child to kick the back of someone's seat. it's not cute, it's not adorable, it's downright OBNOXIOUS.

case in point. flew back from orlando today ... didn't get upgraded (extreme makeover peeps in the house) ... and had to sit in coach. coach on a plane to or from orlando is HELL. it's 50%+ kids. fucking walt disney. anyway, so this 4 year old, who was a holy terror in the waiting area, was seated behind me. after the first 10 kicks ... (this was before we'd even started taxiing to the runway) i turned around and POLITELY (really!) asked the mom to ask her son not to kick my seat. what a waste of my breath. the little beast kicked me for 5 hours. and she had the gall to tell her in-laws (i could totally hear her) what a bitch i was for asking her to control her kid. very nice. what a shitty flight.

home now for 5 days. woohoo.

tired

one trade show down; four to go.

i haven't been this tired since our last trip home from europe. home tomorrow ... have jury duty next week. oh my hell.

i will be posting updates this week re: my week in florida, the world of hardware, and staying "on the ghetto." not pretty for this little primadonna.

did get one marriage proposal, an invitation to peru and some smooching at the show. woohoo.

jsw
aka hello kitty - a name i earned this week at the show

because i got high

i learned a valuable lesson yesterday.

never take more than the recommended dosage on any medication.

i took two CENSORED painkillers yesterday ... not reading the bottle. the results were not pretty.

first came the fog, then the cold sweats and nausea. i tried packing for the big trip to florida and that was a disaster. through the drug haze, i realized that i neglected to pick up my cleaning. pretty much looked like i was going to the show naked on thursday.

i kinda freaked out. the resident drama queen was not happy, until joe stepped in, offered to pick up and overnight my clothes to the hotel. problem solved. what a prince!

however, there were some strings attached to his offer. joe enjoyed laughing at me during my medically induced high ... i think his favorite part was singing ... "i forgot to pick up my cleaning, because i got high" to the tune of afroman's catchy little diddy.

lesson learned.

luggage update

my luggage has arrived in orlando safe and sound. i guess the skycap hearted his $10 tip.

d-list celebrity star power

lax was out of control today. thank goodness i beat my previous record time getting to the airport from ventura. i clocked 53 minutes this morning!

but i digress.

there was a major clusterfuck in the skycap area ... if you bring a 150 lb. bag, expect problems ... oh woman with the red duffel bag, what were you thinking this morning? i sniffed ... it wasn't a dead body, but i mean really, even i, the queen of luggage, has yet to pack a bag that weighs over 100 lbs. it really threw the skycaps for a loop. apparently, the three stooges on the curb in front of terminal 4 were absent the day "heavy loads" were addressed.

so, after waiting 25 minutes to have my one, slightly over 75 lb. bag checked, i walk into the rapidly growing first class security line and see BOB SAGET, of Full House fame, walk in to the terminal looking a little confused. he was then taken out of LINE so some fan could check him in promptly and he could get on his merry little way. so let me get this straight, if i was a washed up hasbeen of an actor, i could bypass the line? wow.

tried to get photo documentation, but needed third arm, or butler to be successful. since i have neither, you can imagine where that left me.

now the waiting game. is BOB SAGET traveling to orlando this morning? does he have a lunch date with mickey & minnie? is he in seat 1F? if so, this could get interesting ...

stay tuned.

ps. i do have patience. regardless of what moe the skycap says. i know it's dangerous to complain outloud to a skycap BEFORE he takes your bag, but i can't stand inefficiency. i mean, i can totally wait if people aren't being stupid, but when they are, refer back to 150 lb. bag girl and guy in front of me who just couldn't find his ID, but it's really hard to suck it up. i hope the $10 i gave him gets my bag to orlando.

can't we just have frozen burritos and a slurpee for dinner?

i realized today that i could live inside of a convenience store and be very happy. all of the food groups are represented, chocolate, pop tarts, doritos, frozen burritos, jerky, snapple, crumb donuts, alcohol and slurpees. hell, they even have a library of sorts and a bathroom. (remember, i sell cleaning tools, i could totaly clean the bathroom first!)

joe is always asking me to try new restaurants ... i can make myself go, but rarely do i find anything on the menu that i truly want to eat. nothing is "normal." it's dressed up with pesto and pine nuts and capers ... ew. one solution would be the kids' menu, but NO ONE will let me order off of the kids menu. why can't i just have the mac n cheese or the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? as we were having that tired old "where should we eat" discussion tonight, it dawned on me. why can't we just eat at the 7-11 and spend the money we saved on dinner at the mall? er, i mean put the extra money in our retirement fund.

so until restaurants let me order off the kid's menu, i will continue to dread going to "grown-up" eating establishments ... you can imagine how much fun i have at business dinners. it is truly hell.

btw. i totally know that my affinity for convenience store food is a major contributing factor to my fat ass, but i just can't seem to figure out how to trade twinkies for broccoli.

please don't cry, james

Dear Kim and James,

Please forgive my oversight regarding the link to your website. :-( I have included it in the list to the right.

It's a good thing I added it ... a little mis-typing in the address line takes you to www.sinstudio.com. Definitely not a family website. Clicking the link will avoid any unwanted flashes of naked boobies.

Love,
Julie

clinton presidential library

one last peep re: little rock.

the clinton library.

it absolutely looks like a silver mobile home on the banks of the arkansas river. however, if it was yellow it might pass for the yellow submarine.

it was cool ... but nothing like nixon's library!

DFW - Valentine's Day - Gate C14

posts are a little out of order due to some technical difficulties. laptop is in the hospital and it's rocked my world.

so, last night, which was valentine's day, i made my way home from little rock via dallas. my life is nothing but a party.

my flight from dallas was running late. the plane we were using was tardy and a crew was cleaning it ... so while we were waiting on the cleaning crew, the gate agents enjoyed a valentine's day frostie from wendy's. see photo. need to work on my spying skills; picture is a little out of focus.

little rock, arkansas

i have been in the twilight zone.

little rock, arkansas was my destination this week. had a meetin' with some good ol' boys. of course, i was the only woman who didn't answer a phone for a living. wow.

it's like everyone was moving in slow motion. no one is in a hurry. it's interesting, but foreign to this city girl. i outpaced every car on the freeway at 60 mph and we all know that is like CRAWLING for me.

the rep showed up in a shirt that was printed with images of fly fishermen. his bumper sticker advised not to mess with texas. "broke," rather than broken, was the word of choice. he carries a SHOTGUN in his car; apparently everyone does. i was overdressed in a jacket and skirt. i could have worn cut-offs and sneakers and fit in just fine. nice.

i did have a chance to hit clinton's library, which does look like a mobile home on the edge of the arkansas river. lovely.

i have returned to civilization. next stop, orlando, florida.

even the freeways in california are beautiful

i have seen it all.

the fast lane of the northbound 405 was closed last night (at 11:30 PM) due to cal trans activity. apparently, california is such a wealthy state that we can afford to pay cal trans to WEED the freeway.

i must admit, i was surprised that they chose not to do this activity during rush hour. so i suppose that does count for progress.

SLOW FOR THE CONE ZONE!

there is a two bag limit for a reason / if you want to choose your seat, fly southwest

oh the excitement of being back on an airplane after a 11 day break.

couple of comments.

a. each passenger is allowed 2 items. period. not 3, not 2.5, not 4. not only is there a finite amount of overhead space in the plane, no one wants to wait for you to gather up your myriad of bags as you try to deplane. case in point. woman in front of me on the dallas leg had one computer bag, one purse, one giant shopping bag and a medium-sized tote bag. necessary? probably not. if it's not an option to bring a larger bag and check said bag, may i suggest federal express?

b. when flying commerically, sit in the seat you are assigned. if someone else is seated in your assigned seat, notify a flight attendant immediately. DO NOT try to remedy the issue yourself. case in point. someone else was assigned to my seat. instead of figuring out what happened, she and her husband huffed off to the back of the plane. (please note, there are 48 seats in said aircraft). what ensued was lots of, "oh, i'm sorry. i was supposed to be in 12B, but someone else is there ... yada, yada, yada." after being kicked out of many seats, the huffy couple ended up moving to the front of the plane, which caused the flight attendent to lose count and we were delayed. interesting side note, apparently i was not registered on the flight, hence the double booking of 12B. after ignoring the "will passenger Meyers please hit the call button" message, a gate agent came to 12B to check my boarding pass. seems i wasn't in the system, regardless of the fact that it was the second leg of a trip, i printed the boarding pass the day before and the ticket was scanned by another agent. if the flight attendant had been notified at the first sign of drama, we would not have been late. net time loss: 15 minutes. on an hour flight, that is a lot.

neighbors

wow.

these are some of our neighbors.

and my husband thinks my flamingos are a problem.

i shudder to think what their house would be worth without the deer.

big joe's polka show!

joe and i discovered the coolest show!

"big joe's polka show" is on RFD TV. RFD (rfd-tv.com) is a channel aimed at Rural America. (yes, we were THAT bored!)

this show is riveting. i kept watching waiting for Napoleon Dynamite to step out on stage! you can imagine my disappointment when it was just "The Nite Owls" complete with their accordians and keyboards.

big joe films in omaha and they have a huge dance floor ... it's like watching "dancing with the stars" only different.

you too can watch! if you have direct tv, RFD is on channel 379. it's totally worth tivo-ing!

it's a good time for the whole family!

found the pickle

to my esteemed brother-in-law,

found the pickle that you left in my washing machine. i guess we're even for the ice maker.

truce in regards to pickles.

jaws

malibu tim has been found!

Whew!

Contact with Malibu Tim has been made!

Turns out, he hasn't moved ... his zip code was double secretly changed TWO YEARS ago and he's just now telling me.

Wow. I still smell a conspiracy!

where in the world is malibu tim???

could Malibu Tim have moved and not told me?!

Dear Malibu Tim,

I am heartbroken. The valentine I sent to you has been returned. It is currently lying unloved on my desk.

This is the second piece of mail that has been returned; the first item was a chain letter so I just let it go.

PLEASE ADVISE.

Love,
Worried Sick

why can't people just do their jobs?

i fully expect to be fired if i didn't do my job.
if i blew off a client meeting, decided to go to the beach instead of the airport, failed to turn in reports, etc., i should be fired.

however, i think i'm in the miniority. sad, but true.

just spent 30 minutes on the phone with a rental car company. turned a car in 8 days ago and they haven't found the time to close out my contract, hence i have no receipt for my expense report.

in the first half of the call, i was transferred 5 times ... this includes the transfer that occurred when the local office neglected to answer the phone. the explanation, "sorry, we're really busy today."

when do i get to be too busy to do my job? when will i be compensated for all of the hours i've lost because someone else fucked up?

in the end the rental car company thinks it did me a favor by comping a $125 bill. that's nice. i'm still out the time and work gets a break.

they have me over a barrel. i have to rent cars and they know it. the reality is that they all suck.

wish i was 10 again and my biggest problem was giving an oral report on new york. that kept me up for weeks. life was much simplier then.

lola's latest adventure

Lola is recovering nicely from her latest escape! Her wounded paws may keep her in the yard for a bit! It's amazing to me that she figured out there was a weak spot in the electrical fence and got out again! Sometimes I wonder why she'd want to leave! She has it so good here!

For those of you who are wondering why I'd mention Lola's recovery before Joe's, I wasn't sure if Joe wanted me posting his medical information on my blog. However, what the hell. His kidney stones are passing; he's almost finished expelling the stones and is now back to work!

"the office" on tonight at 9:30 PM PST / NBC

don't forget to watch the office tonight! it's valentine's day! pam and i think that the office is best enjoyed by a dinner at chili's. especially if one orders the awesome blossom, extra awesome!

wal*mart

most days i treasure my job ... my office is at home (okay and the airport) ... my boss is fabulous ... i am learning how to love a mop ... and i get to go to cool places like Arkansas ... however, today is not one of those days.

i had to "shop" a wal-mart ... i've been there 3 days in a row because the demands of the project keep changing. if i hated wal*mart before, i LOATHE it now.

it's filthy. it's not merchandised. i think the employees just cut cases and throw it agains the wall to see what sticks. it smells like old mcdonald's trash. everything that was once at kid height is strewn on the floor. the carts need replaced. no one is smiling in there except for that dumb yellow happy face. their music selection is 10 to 1 hispanic; same with the food. people are rude. i almost lost a toe due to an incident with a woman, her 8 kids, and a cart.

that coupled with wal*mart's political issues, makes me really stop and wonder, why would anyone shop there??????

the good news is that the project is over; ventura put a moratorium on any big boxes along the victoria corridor and target still exists.

this could be addicting

i may be speechless from all of the pressure.

first day!

hello world.