quizno's

i ate at a quizno's today. i was hungry and i couldn't find a subway ... i honestly figured that the food couldn't be that different.

WRONG! the quizno's sandwich (lite turkey on wheat) was so DISGUSTING that i maybe ate 1/4 of the sandwich. for those of you who know me, this is not a regular phenomenon. let's face it, i ate mcdonald's, voluntarily, for years. however, this sandwich was beyond ass.

i will NEVER patronize quizno's again. it sucks ass.

bite me city girl

as seen on a pick-up truck in scottsdale today. nice.

travel to phoenix

i am only flying one way this week, so i took a car to the airport this morning. i must reiterate that this is the only way to go. one can sleep, work, zone out, whatever ... and some one else is at risk for the speeding tickets! it is truly an ideal situation.

i need to figure out how to fund a full time driver ... stat.

buyer beware

so my cell phone did not in fact go to mexico with joe ... nor is it in his car where i am SURE i left it.

it has materialized.

i cannot live without a cell phone. so i visited the local cell phone store on saturday and got a new bubblegum pink slvr. of course.

i was on a roll. while the guy was getting my phone ready to go ... i looked around at the accessories. i picked out a matching headset and a car charger. figured they would be competitively priced, so i had james ring 'em up.

holy shit. the headset and charger were FAR from competitively priced. james charged me $99 + tax for the headset and $29.99 for the charger. i did a little research when i got home. i repurchased the headset from www.newegg.com for $48.95 WITH SHIPPING ... and the charger for $5 on www.ebay.com.

i figured i could just take the headset and charger back ... but alas, i noticed that the receipt said FINAL SALE. F.

so, i plotted. james actually never brought the final sales clause to my attention, but was that good enough? it was printed on the receipt plain as day. my bad for not reading it.

but i tried anyway. what's the worst that could happen?

he must have liked me. james took them back with NO QUESTIONS. rock on. totally made my day.

morale of the story: focus, julie! pay attention! do a little research before you impulse buy! a $400 impulse phone package is not the same as impulse buying nail polish. it's just not!

why does my time mean nothing to people?

re: broken washer

i made an appointment with sears between the hours of 8 am and noon on saturday in an attempt to have the washer fixed. or at least declared dead and hauled away.

noon rolled around ... no word from sears.

i spent the better part of an hour trying to track our repair guy down ... sears routing had a myriad of excuses why he was late (none were good) ... however, no one fucks with my saturday. apparently, sears did not realize that particular rule of the game.

so the guy FINALLY showed up at 3:24 pm. gone is most of saturday ... with it went two tee times and my blood pressure.

it took mr. sears 15 BLOODY minutes to fix our washer for $160. F.

we'll see what happens tomorrow ... i have placed a hold on the transaction and it will remain that way until someone from sears customer fucking relations calls me and advises as to why they were so late and apologizes to me for ruining my saturday.

BTW, if i hadn't been available between the set hours of 8 am and noon ... sears would have charged me $60. i am entitled to the same and fully intend to get it.

spoiled rotten

drama always ensues when joe is on the road. especially when he's out of the country.

he's in guadalajara.

so, this is when the washing machine decides to die. mid-cycle, no less.

only one choice - haul the wet, soapy clothes to the closest laundromat. FFFFF.

if i never have to go to a public laundromat again, it will be too soon. i know i'm spoiled, but i really thought i was past the laundromat stage of my life.

sears will be here in 36 hours. let's just hope it's fixable ... i'm not in the mood to buy a new washing machine.

BYOB?

we got the most white trash wedding invitation today. it is from our niece (mine by marriage) ... i could go on forever about the invite, but it really boils down to the term "BYOB" being printed on the invitation. words cannot describe how i feel about that.

new housekeeper

i love our new housekeeper. she is fabulous. she even cleaned out our refrigerator! this is love.

however, she must think i'm a complete domestic loser. i had no idea how to show her how to use our new dyson vaccum ... nor could i tell her where all of our cleaning chemicals are located ... and i'm sure she was horrified when she was dusting our magazine pile and came across joe's playboys. lovely.

the icing on the cake, i'm sure, was when i left for my golf lesson. i've really got my priorities straight!

BBQ

i have not, nor ever will be, a good bbqer. it's just not in my nature.

case in point, i managed to "lose" an entire hamburger patty on the grill tonight. it slipped through the slats.

i have never seen that happen!

ps. how do you keep the cheese from getting all over the grilling doodle?

i'm on a mexican radio ... er, phone

i am a dumbass.

my cell phone, complete with it's address book, is either in joe's car at lax, or with him in guadalajara.

what a nightmare. okay, truthfully, i'm enjoying the break.

but still, double F.

incident at the driving range

a big apology goes out to the guy driving the ball picker at the driving range ... i really didn't mean to hit you with my ball this afternoon. my bad.

i guess that's why you drive around in a cage on wheels.

vodka martinis

is it wrong to order a cherry instead of an onion or olive in a vodka martini?

mystery man

this picture was in our mailbox yesterday.

we do not know him, do you?

not newsworthy

the airline check-in process is no longer newsworthy.

it took me less than 15 minutes from curb to "sterile area" this morning at o'hare.

i love it. it hasn't been this easy in years!

celebrities

dear malibu tim,

i searched on www.deadoraliveinfo.com and confirmed that bernie koppel, of the love boat and get smart fame, is indead alive and well. at least as of today. i did not see a ghost yesterday; it was in fact bernie in the flesh. :-) proof of life is in your inbox as i type.

thank you for not contesting the mike ditka sighting.

your friend,
jaws

F.

so just how long was my zipper down today? i was on the show floor for 10.5 hours. F.

i know i'm not a "foodie," but ...

i am not a foodie. i can eat the same thing day in and day out ... there are a million other things that i would do before i chose to drop $100 on myself for dinner ... i love cheeseburgers & fries, however, even i know when to get over myself and enjoy good food.

like tonight for instance. we (3 sales guys, 1 sales girl, 1 marketing guy, and one marketing guy's girlfriend) went to a very lovely restaurant in chicago. it was a swanky place ... the average entree was in the neighborhood of $50 + $10 for a salad + $5 for veggies, etc.

in addition to the myriad of steaks & filets, there was an expansive selection of seafood, poultry (or fowl) and pasta. something for everyone ...there was a cheeseburger on the menu ... for kids, i'm sure, however, you never know. i would NEVER order a cheeseburger in a restaurant such as this ... however, much to my surprise, the girlfriend did.

to top it off, she chose pomme frites for her appetizer!!!! and potatoes au gratin for her side dish! one of the sales guys asked her if she was 12. even i was embarassed for her.

so, if you must know, i had the filet ... which was one of the best i've ever eaten ... and asparagus.

ps. joe - i ordered the filet "medium" so i wouldn't get an ass cut of beef.

sometimes you can't just "say anything"

i love the movie say anything with john cusack. it is definitely in my top ten.

there is a scene in the movie in which the two main characters are taking a super drunk guy home after a party. he's so drunk that he can't remember where he lives. the three of them drive around and around seattle until they happen to drive by the drunk guy's house and he yells, "there it is!" this occurs several hours later, after daybreak. the main characters just about lost their little minds.

i used to think this scene was funny, until tonight, when i lived it.

my boss and i were driving through downtown chicago, on our way back from the show. another sales guy, whom we know peripherally, tagged along.

i know i too will be old someday, but this guy was really crusty and a little disoriented. he knew he was staying at a hampton inn, on chicago ave., but that's it.

we drove along to where he thought it was; he was directing my boss, the driver. when it wasn't where it thought it was, he kinda freaked out ... and so did my boss. we drove around and around downtown chicago (which is a big pain in the ass), until i intervened. let's just say that the obscene amout of time i've spent shopping in downtown chicago paid off. the old man advised that he was kinda sure he was by a nordstrom, and off we went. directly to the hotel, mind you, with no more drama.

it took forever. i really thought i was going to either yell at someone or soil myself. you see, i also had to pee.

holy F.

12,369 steps

F. that is a lot of steps. by far the most i've walked since i started strapping on the pedometer in the morning ... usually i come in around 5,000 ... but this ... this is a reason to LOVE trade shows!

so how come i was only down 0.2 lbs today at ww? not only was it a pain in the ass to find a ww meeting in chicago, but the let down of not losing much this week sucks ass.

i guess i have to be happy that i was down and not up. 25 lbs here i come!

grace, yet again

and this time i tripped almost died on rush street. what is wrong with me?

grace

a big thank you goes out to the man that caught my arm as i tripped on michigan avenue today. without your help, sir, i may have tumbled to my death.

you are a gentleman and a scholar.

LAX

another day, another airport.

it took a mere 25 minutes from curb to "sterile area" at LAX today. i flew united, on which i do not have elite status, so i checked in through the general lines. i was prepared for a long wait, but it was easier than most days in the platinum line.

i hope it stays like this forever.

hello kitty usb pez drive

this is too over the top, even for me.


www.freshlysqueezedflash.com

my clubs are down

note to self:

if i am going to drive like a maniac in the golf cart, make sure the clubs are secure. it's a bit embarassing to have to pick them up after they've flown off of the back of the cart.

thanks to james for taking one for the team.

whore

it is way more fun to shout "whore" rather than "fore" when playing golf.

little miss sunshine

this is the best movie i've seen since napoleon dynamite. a must see flick!

o'hare security - the day after - and how i saved $25

i have an 8:13 am flight out of o'hare this morning.

as a result of yesterday's changes to carry-on policies, i spent some time researching what i can and cannot take on the plane this morning. joe sent me a lot of good information as well.

american airlines advised, per aa.com, that until 9/1/06, ticket change and excess baggage fees would be waived.

my bag was 3.5 lbs over this morning ... no doubt due to what i had to check rather than carry-on. the ticket agent asked me to pony up my $25. when i advised her that american had waived the fee, we had to get every supervisor on the floor involved.

i prevailed.

if you're traveling in the imminent future, take the time to read what the TSA & the airlines are asking of passengers.

it only took me 30 minutes (at 6 am) to check my bag and get through security. no drama at all.

odd girl out

i attended a charity dinner tonight for a major hardware chain. there were about 1,200 people present; most of whom were men.

i thought i was being used to be in the 1%> female population at these events. (it was never this one-sided in the greeting card industry!) however, tonight, i was taken by surprise.

my rep, who is very well connected, spent the evening introducing me to everyone he knows. great networking opportunity!

until i met dan. at least i think his name was dan. i've started to block the incident already ... anyway, jim introduces us, "dan" shakes my hand ... makes small talk with us for a minute ... and then says, "i like you," grabs my left hand, sees my wedding rings, drops my hand and says, "too bad you're married. i don't have much luck with the married ladies."

ew. double ew. vile, in fact. i may not survive hardware.

white castle - addison, illinois

posted on a sign in from of white castle last night:

"try our new chicken rings for $2.99!"

what the hell is a "chicken ring?" did they run out of "w"s and had to improvise? or is white castle truly making do-nut shaped chicken pieces?!?!

if i wasn't banning junk food i would have driven through and found out. but, alas, i just couldn't do it.

i may never know.

the "friendly" skies

when i fly, i often sit in the exit row. i know the drill. the flight attendant comes by, explains the responsibilities of sitting in said exit row, and the passengers need to verbally accept the responsibility. pretty basic.

today, mary sunshine, the flight attendant, came back to rows 20 and 21, and said ...

"as you know, [the airline] has reduced the number of flight attendants on board this type of aircraft from 5 to 3. in the case of an emergency, it's up to the folks in these two rows to open the door and get people out of the plane."

wow. someone is a little bitter. was that really necessary? isn't that your job? trust me, if we're going down, i'm opening the door and getting out of the plane; not staying back to corral people. period.

peanut butter

i have HAD it with the obnoxious dogs that live behind the shack.

their owners leave them outside all day ... it's very sad. and on plain old dirt; they don't even have any nice grass to lie on.

in the past throwing a ball or treats over the wall has helped. today, nothing would quiet them down.

until i remembered a tip from a very wise friend. "throw over some peanut butter," she once said.

so i did. peace and quiet reigns once again.

question.

how come exercise clothes (okay, the cute ones) only go up to a size 12 or 14? don't fat girls a. deserve cute clothes and b. need them more than skinny girls? don't nike, puma, addias, etc. realize that the average dress size in america is a 14?

end result - i'm destined to be a fashion nightmare at the gym until i drop more lbs. that is a travesty.

the office

the office is by far my favorite tv show.

this "movie" is fabulous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7RpBiV6H4w&search=the%20office%20fire

even

i noticed a HUGE crack in my windshield this morning.
i know it happened yesterday; i remember hearing a piece of debris hit my car. how strange is it that it didn't crack until last night or this morning? but i'm starting to digress.

it's the curse of the camry, my friends.

it's going to cost $465 to replace it. F.

however, i did avoid getting a ticket this morning ... so everything does even out.

the story of the ticket is fabulous.

i was on my way home from a ww meeting. i was driving PAST the police station, but was on the phone. shocking. the top was up, so i was a little less aware of my surroundings.

i noticed Ponch about 1/2 of mile away from the police station. as i noticed him in my mirror, i put down the phone and glanced at the speedometer. F. i was doing 48 in a 35. that is definitely ticket worthy.

i eased up on the gas ... brake lights would have been too obvious. we pulled up to a stop light ... the one right before my house. he was right behind me. it was then that i remembered my smart ass license plate frame that reads, "hello officer. put it on my tab." i thought i was f'd for sure.

for some reason he let me go. that is the 2nd police officer that has been close enough to sterling to read the frame ... and the 2nd that didn't give me a ticket.

so. $465 for a windshield; $0 for a ticket.

life is grand.

camrys are still very dangerous

how many people's lives have to be threatened by camrys to get them off of the road?
how many hours of traffic must we drive in because a camry couldn't get it together?

case in point ... i drove 95 miles one way to an appointment this morning. the first 65 miles were BLISS. that 65 miles took me 1 hour and 15 minutes ... despite the fact that i was on the 405 during rush hour. it was lovely.

then i encountered the sea of red brake lights. i sat in traffic for another 1 hour and 15 minutes to drive a mere 30 miles. it sucked ass.

what was the cause of the delay, you might be wondering? a camry and a tractor that "fell" off of its owner's trailer on an off-ramp got into a fight. i'm totally sure mr. tractor drives a camry when he's not on the farm ... so really, it comes down to camrys. they should be outlawed.

white trash dinner

so just how white trash is it that i bought last nights dinner at a gas station? the gas station down the street from my house, that is. that particular gas station houses the closest subway to us, and it seemed like a quick and healthy dinner.

it's days like that when i remember the first residence i lived in was a mobile home. space 164 across the street from the chino men's prison. i guess you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl.

if i only had lola's willpower ...

i gave lola a peanut butter bone before i left for work today.

i was gone for over 10 hours.

she didn't eat the bone until i got home.

that, my friends, is willpower.