the renegade 99 cent only cart is on its way home!

From : Pamela [censored]
Sent : Tuesday, September 26, 2006 9:01 PM
To :
Subject : RE: 99¢ Only Web Site Message

Hi Prncessfsh,
Thank you for contacting our Customer Service Department.
I have now reported the abandoned shopping cart to our District Manager. He will
make arrangments to have the shopping cart picked up.
Again, thank you for letting us know.
99 Thanks,
Pamela

-----Original Message-----
From: prncessfsh@hotmail.com [mailto:prncessfsh@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, September 25, 2006 11:32 AM
To: Pamela [censored]
Subject: 99¢ Only Web Site Message
Name : jsw
Email : prncessfsh@hotmail.com
Phone :
Message
----------------------------------
there is a 99 cent only cart in front of my house. i would like it removed.
i've tried calling the store, but after 5 minutes on hold, i hung up.
the address is 6209 cardinal street ventura, ca.
thank you.

found porn

2 tequila bottles in monterey, california

mis-use of company email?

one of our customer service representatives continues to utilize company email to solicit money for her various fundraising committments. this week it's for a run she's in ... last week she was selling tee shirts.

i'm all for charity ... but i think it's way inappropriate to send out group emails (to the entire copmany) asking for donations.

am i wrong?

super sweet

i need this air freshener.

being a grown-up sucks sometimes

once upon a time there was a girl who was obsessed with music. she knew the album drop dates of all of her favorite artists. she rarely missed the concerts of said favorite artists. before the internet, she waited in lines for tickets ... sometimes waking up before the sun to secure the best tickets. she ditched class in college to wait on line in hollywood to meet elton john. she even flew out of state to see tom petty.

this girl has grown up. it's sad, but true. she has lost her grip on the music scene; tom petty and elton john both released new albums within the last few weeks and the girl was clueless.

she despises being a grown-up.

perhaps my favorite greeting card

love this card! too bad it's lost in newman's mailbag somewhere between here and china due to malibu tim's sudden semester at sea course change! thank goodness i had the foresight to scan it before i mailed it!

mystery object

does anyone know what this is?

did i mention ...

that i drove PAST my house on my way home from the airport on tuesday? i was 4 houses away when i realized that i'd gone too far.

i think this means that i need a few days home. too bad i won't be getting them until at least november.

too many airplanes, rental cars and hotels for this girl. suck.

quite the morning

lovely lola poked her eye on something this morning ... as it was pretty puffy and red, i made an appointment with the vet and headed over.

lola has never ridden in the convertible. as only her eye was affected, we walked the 15 minutes to the vet's office.

did we have fun!

first, we got to walk through a prayer circle in front of planned parenthood. while the demonstrators were on the public sidewalk, and exercising their first amendment rights, i still wanted to kick them in the shins.

then we were almost ran down by some old man who was DWD (driving while dead). that was super nice.

in the vet's office, two people tried to befriend us. they were OVER THE TOP. they looked like they'd just finishing doing it in the dirt ... (totally smelled) ... and they had a sick german shepard in a wagon. holy shit. they proceeded to tell me that in addition to the 18 month old daughter they had at home (staying with whom, i was afraid to ask), they have 2 additional hounds, 3 cats, 2 rabbits, and 6 lizards. did i mention that they gave their 3 ferrets (which are illegal in california) away when she got pregnant? fuck.

after the vet (lola is fine ... eye drops for 3 days) ... we walked home. the only drama we encountered is depicted at the beginning of this post ... even the protesters had gone back to church ... so, yea!

what a morning.

bloody marys

how many bloody marys does it take to make a vegetable serving?

hotel hand towels and wash cloths

i have discovered a situation in my garage.

the rag box is overflowing with hotel hand towels and wash cloths. i had no idea i had such a collection ... from time to time i wrap one around my hot curling iron if i have to pack and run. apparently, that has been happening A LOT.

i need to thin out the selection and hope that i haven't been charged for my little habit. does anyone need any rags?

i will be packing a lovely hello kitty hand towel from now on ... i can't keep taking home stinky hotel towels!

airplanes do not have windows

to mr. f-face in 20b:

in case you didn't realize ... airplane windows do not open, thereby prohibiting a continuous flow of fresh air ... so bringing a stinky tuna sandwich on board is really not considerate of your other passengers. wouldn't a pb & j hit the spot just as well?

sincerely,
trying not to hurl in 20c

airplane lavatories

can't one get really sick from drinking the water in airplane lavatories?
if that's true, why would american offer dixie cups in the toilets?

just wondering.

sam hill, part 2

my mom's research has revealed that "sam hill" is synonymous with "hell." that's super nice.

caution - oblivious people traveling

i am so tired of people causing delays through security because they are absolutely incapable of paying attention.

granted the recent liquid ban just that, recent, but you've NEVER been able to walk through a metal detector with METAL in your pockets. duh.

here's my million dollar idea ... if you can't focus and hold up the line because you're oblivious, you are sent to the back of the line. once the public sees that TSA is not f'ing around, perhaps we can all stay focused at the task at hand and move on with our lives.

why is it okay to bbq in one's front yard?

one of our neighbors has redone their front yard to include three tables worth of seating and a really nice bbq.

it's all very lovely ... but why put that stuff in the FRONT yard?

i felt like lola and i were intruding on a garden party tonight when we were out walking.

i don't like it - but i am glad that i'm not next door or across the street from the porch people.

another serving of jet lag, please

the jet lag must have gone to joe's head.

less than 24 hours after returning from his whirlwind european trip, he agreed to letting me redo our room in chocolate and pink.

i can't believe it. just a few days ago we'd settled on an ocean blue color. i think the lack of sleep has gotten to him.

as he's leaving for a week in memphis today, i am going to jump on recent color decision as soon as i return from chicago. :-) life is good.

sam hill

where is sam hill? my mother-in-law always asks us "where in the sam hill have you two been this week?"

curious.

stripes

why do clothing manufacturers continue to make big girl shirts with horizontal stripes? it's going to take a lot more than 30 lbs. for me to go for non-vertical stripage!

ob tampons

how's this for a sales call?

my rep in chicago worked on the ob tampon launch in the 70s. he was about 30 at the time. on calls, he took a plastic vaginal canal, red dyed water, and ob tampons. he DEMONSTRATED, with said canal, how the revolutionary, digitally inserted tampons worked!

my hat is off to mr. jim.

naked merlin

i met a guy named merlin in vegas this week. he uses the same rep i do in the chicago area.

so, he told this great story one night at dinner about why he doesn't sleep naked anymore.

several years ago (he's like 60 and spent the last 40 on the road) he was in denver ... sleeping naked ... and got up in the middle of the night to pee.

he chose the wrong door.

he wound up in the hall, naked, as the door shut and locked behind him.

he stood there until another guest happened by ... that guest went down and got him another key.

i love it!

moving on

this week's vegas scandal is going to remain in the proverbial vault. things only got worse as the days progressed.

what happens in vegas ... stays in vegas

this is my second most scandalous trip to las vegas in my life.

the records of the first are sealed ... but the details of tonight will follow shortly.

holy fuck. did tonight really happen?

i miss malibu tim!

this one's for you, malibu tim!

[don't] call me sir!

when i moved to ventura 10 years ago, my pal k and i dined at an italian restaurant at the harbor. one of the wait staff referred to me as "sir" and k has called me "sir" ever since. sometimes her precocious daughter calls me "uncle sir." in fact, that is why i love peppermint patty so much; she too was mistakenly called "sir."

the whole thing always blew my mind a bit ... i have pretty big boobs ... i usually wear make-up and 9 times out of 10 i have jewelry on ... i know i live in LA, but the boobs should definitely differentiate me from the boys, even if the make-up and jewels do not. :-)

it happened again today. i was called "sir" by the valet that parked my car at the airport. today i am wearing 90% pink clothes ... what's the deal?

poor, pitiful lola

my poor little lola! this is a photo of pouting lola and her new bone ... i am not above bribing my dog!

she has been pouting & morose for two days ... since joe took out his suitcase ... again. usually, she's okay if one of us is home ... but as soon as my suitcase emerged yesterday ... it was over. she did indulge me in a little play time yesterday ... we tossed the ball around ... but that was it. she napped with me for a bit ... but when i went to bed ... she retreated to her futon in the back of the house. maybe she's just stressed because she's way more protective of me when i'm alone?

she did get up to greet me this morning ... but she didn't eat any of her treats ... she took them into the guest room and slept on them until i left. it breaks my heart.

thank you to kristine who's going to be checking on her during my absence. :-)

viva las vegas!

i'm en route to las vegas.

it's been almost 2 years since i've made an appearance in sin city ... i cannot wait! despite the fact that i'm there for a hardware show, i have vowed to make it fun!

i have begun my intravenous flow of coffee this morning and will continue until i return. i will not go to bed early ... i will not! :-) (for those of you that know me well, i don't usually drink coffee, so this should be interesting!)

i'm a little nervous about tonight's festivities ... i'm taking the buyers to dinner and to see love ... i planned the event ... which makes me responsible for everyone's fun! that's right ... julie the cruise director.

more to come ... as my friend tim would say!

a little piece of salt lake city in phoenix

bye bye hives and a sudden burst of energy!

the good news is that my hives are gone.
the extra good news is that the itchiness is almost gone.
the stellar news is that my energy is back ... thanks to a large dose of steriods that i have to take until the mysterious cause of the itchiness / hives is discovered.

the bad news is that the allergist has no idea why i'm breaking out / itching. it's affecting my sleep patterns, energy levels and my overall perkiness.

the even worse news is that he's putting me through a battery of tests to find the culprit. this includes extensive blood work, chest x-rays and a ct scan. good times are ahead for me and the insurance company!

i just hope i can give up what ever is making me itch. please don't let it be alcohol or chocolate!

snorts 'n boots

the hives were so overwhelming in houston that i forgot to mention the extra special rep i made the call with ... he wore BLACK OSTRICH SKIN COWBOY BOOTS and snorted (loud, like my uncle whom i like to refer to as special ed) every few minutes. it was more than appalling.

he's so fired.

goodies

if you're going to indulge in a spa pedicure ... or any pedicure for that matter ... don't wear a short skirt. no one wants to see your goodies.

i suppose i should be thankful that ms. i can't keep my knees together was wearing panties.

urgent voicemail

i received an urgent voicemail today re: mops and brooms ... this is a complete oxymoron.

i sell mops and brooms; no one needs them to live. if a shipment is late, damaged, etc., no one's life hangs in the balance.

no one's.

hives, part 2

i have left houston, but i still have hives. and a nice bee stung looking lip ... another allergic reaction.

maybe it's the whole state of texas?

hives

houston has given me hives.

my legs and hands are covered. i can't sleep. it's very sad.

and what's even sadder is that i forgot my allergy medication. F.

thank goodness the marriott stocks benadryl. it's not as strong as my normal stuff, but it's better than nothing.

i'm covered in itch creme. this sucks.

i hate texas.

i need a vacation

last night i was driven to do my husband's laundry because our bedroom was starting to stink.

ew.

load #1 completed its wash cycle ... i gently moved all of the clothes to the dryer.

the dryer wouldn't turn on. i tried and tried ... but no power.

i cursed a bit and made another appointment with sears. F.

the thought of waiting for sears again made the bile rise in my throat.

i went back to the scene of the crime ... determined to fix the dryer.

instantly i experienced a moment of clarity. perhaps if the dryer was plugged into the wall, it would work.

viola!

i cancled the appointment with sears ... although it crossed my mind to keep it and make them wait!

i need a vacation.

weight & age

did you ever notice that when we're young and someone asks us our age, we reply with answers like 5 1/2, 12 3/4, 20 1/2? but that as we get older, we hold on tighter with each passing year? it's rare to hear someone say, "hi! i'm 55 1/2."

the same goes for weight. when we're losing weight, it's "i'm down almost 30 pounds!" but when we're gaining, it's "i've probably just put on 5 lbs. it's mostly water, i'm sure."

i guess i'm feeling philosophical today.

brings a little tear to my eye

my mom found one of my old ornaments ... it's from 1985 and reads "babysitters are special people."

a. am i really that old?
b. what was i doing babysitting at 12 years old? and for three terrible boys who locked me in a closet!
c. why did my mom save it? i haven't had a christmas tree since my senior year in high school!

it's currently sitting on my kitchen counter. i think it's the perfect yankee swap gift.

beating the system

i have to go to houston tomorrow.
i loathe houston.

i have never flown in or out of houston without drama. major drama that sometimes includes driving to dallas or mis-directed bags.

before the liquid ban, i would have simply carried my bag on ... at least it wouldn't get sent to guam. however, that just isn't possible anymore.

unless you beat the system.

i overnighted my toiletry bag, along with mascara, hair gel, lip gloss, purell and a tide to go, to my hotel. tuesday morning i'll just overnight it back home.

houston will not fuck me this time.

559 miles

my route to flagstaff was not direct ... i flew into phoenix last tuesday and drove to flagstaff on wednesday. it's about a 2 hour drive.

i think i'm so smart. i canceled my flight from phoenix to burbank and figured it'd be easier to drive home. on paper, it made sense.

2 hours flag to phx + 2 hours at airport + 1 hour flight + 0.5 hour to pee and collect baggage + 0.5 hour in the valet line + 1 hour to ventura = 7 hours. it takes about 7.5 to drive home from flagstaff. a wash, right?

not so much.

the drive is less than scenic. if you've seen one pile of sand, you've seen 'em all. same goes for burned out gas stations & mini marts. definitely goes for trailer parks. it was brutal. coupled with thunder, lightning and flash floods from flagstaff to kingman, it was a real hoot. okay, it was totally fun when i hit orange cones (on purpose) at 89 mph. especially in the gold taurus rental car.

did i mention that the only radio stations are for rednecks and jesus freaks?

i did know one thing ... i certainly didn't want to get a ticket ... and since i was bleeding out of my eyes with boredom, it was pretty much guaranteed that i was going to drive triple digits to get home. since 100+ can land you in jail, i set the cruise control at 19 miles over the speed limit ... totally worked!

everything was fine until kelbaker road on I-40.

i rolled up on a complete traffic standstill.
people were peeing in the center divider ... a sure sign that they'd been there a LONG time.

i have little to no patience. so i called CHP.
i quickly learned that there was a wreck and that the 40 had been closed west bound for 90 minutes.

90 minutes? i kinda freaked out.

i asked the CHP guy how much longer? what if i had to pee? i wasn't going in the center divider. could they put up a scoreboard of sorts to advise of the situation?

i had stepped over the line. ponch lost his patience with me. and i quote, "ma'am, you will need to get back into your car and wait, patiently. we're doing all that we can."

FUCK.

lucky for me ... it was only a 20 minute further delay.

then all was well again for another 100 miles. that's when i realized i was almost out of gas and that i hadn't seen a gas station on I-58 in a while. this is where my inability to pay attention doesn't pay off.

thank goodness for hertz neverlost. i searched for the closest gas station ... however, it was back in fucking barstow.

having no choice, i turned around. dukes of hazzard style ... quick and in a huge dust cloud.

i was so scared of running out of gas that i turned off the "my wife left me and i ran over my dog with my 18 wheeler" music and the ac and drove like a maniac back to barstow.

i made it to the gas station with 9 miles on the tank to spare. whew.

with a full tank of gas i continued towards the coast.

the ordeal took 8 hours. i am hiring a driver the next time. period. this girl needs her ipod and naps on demand.

lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

well, it was more like bats, skunks and raccoons ...

i visited my aunt and uncle's house in flagstaff, arizona last week. (my grandma has been sick and is recuperating in flagstaff - however, that is all i will say on the subject.)

their house is in a woodsy area ... i've always loved their house ... they don't have a fence around their yard and there's A LOT of nature in the area ... at least it's a lot to this city girl.

on wednesday, the three of us sat on their deck drinking wine while the sun went down. all was well until my aunt mentioned that she saw a bat. i'll admit, i was a little intrigued, so i asked her to point them out ... she did and i watched for them. my aunt and uncle went back into the house and that's when i almost lost my life! a bat swooped down and almost touched my head! i thought was going to die.

this adventure was topped off by a visit from a skunk and a raccoon to their backyard. that is too much nature for me, my friends!

bad dreams

if i have one more dream about going back to work in the service deli at vons, i'm going to start taking sedatives. i cannot take it any longer.